What you missed while watching the Red Sox win

Republicans debate in Florida, with lapel pins! Hippie drugs! Interns in the Oval Office!

By Michael Scherer

Read more: Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, Politics, News, Alan Keyes, Mike Huckabee, Tom Tancredo, Fred Thompson, Duncan Hunter, Michael Scherer, 2008 election, Mitt Romney, ron paul

Photo: Reuters/Carlos Barria

Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson and John McCain gather with other candidates for the Republican Party of Florida and Fox News debate in Orlando, Fla., Oct. 21, 2007.

Oct. 22, 2007 | 0 minutes. Fox News anchor Brit Hume, his American flag lapel pin in place, opens the latest Republican debate by boasting that it will be "seen and heard" on Fox News Channel, Fox News Radio and FoxNews.com. He does not mention that almost no one will be watching or listening, especially in New Hampshire, because right now the Fox Network is broadcasting Game 7 of the American League Championship Series between the Boston Red Sox and Cleveland Indians. Fox has effectively stolen its own audience from itself.

1 minute. Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace is not wearing his American flag lapel pin, and therefore cannot be trusted. He is a troublemaker. A bad seed. He wants to start a fight. He tells former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani that former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson thinks he is a softy -- "soft on abortion," "soft on gun control," and a lousy conservative. Giuliani, who is wearing his pin, does not take the bait. He just talks about his accomplishments in New York.

3 minutes. America-hater Wallace tries again. This time he tells former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney that Thompson thinks he ran to the left of Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., in a 1994 Senate race. Romney has not put enough product in his hair, so a strand hangs down over his forehead, which makes him look younger, like a boy -- a bad boy who is not wearing his lapel pin. Nonetheless, Romney dodges the question and declines to go negative.

4 minutes. Enemy-of-freedom Wallace turns to Thompson, who is wearing his lapel pin. The tall man goes ballistic on Giuliani. "Mayor Giuliani believes in federal funding for abortion. He believes in sanctuary cities. He's for gun control. He supported Mario Cuomo, a liberal Democrat, against a Republican who was running for governor," Thompson says. This calls into confusion the meaning of the lapel pin. Wallace, who is not wearing his pin, and Thompson, who is, are working together to cause trouble. How is this possible? Maybe the lapel pin does not mean what it is supposed to mean. Maybe it means nothing at all.

5 minutes. All hell breaks loose. Giuliani, with pin, finally decides to attack Thompson, for standing with Democrats on tort reform "over and over again." Thompson says Giuliani "went to court, filed suit himself to overturn our abolition of sanctuary cities." Giuliani says Thompson "has never had executive responsibility."

8 minutes. Arizona Sen. John McCain joins the melee, attacking both Giuliani and Romney. "I wasn't a mayor for a short period of time. I wasn't a governor for a short period of time. For 20-some years, including leading the largest squadron in the United States Navy, I led," he says. "I didn't manage for profit, I led for patriotism."

10 minutes. Romney has fixed his hair, and like Samson, suddenly seems more powerful. But he will not counterattack. "Senator McCain is an American hero," Romney says. "And I respect his service."

11 minutes. McCain tries again. "Governor Romney, you've been spending the last year trying to fool people about your record. I don't want you to start fooling them about mine," the American hero says. Again Romney lets his full head of hair speak for itself.

16 minutes. Talk has turned to gay marriage, and Giuliani is boasting about how much he likes the straight kind. "I did 210 weddings when I was mayor of New York City. So I have experience doing this. They were all men and women, I hope." Even Republicans like cross-dressing humor, and the Orlando, Fla., crowd laughs. Giuliani smiles. "You got to give me a little slack here. It was New York City, you know?"

18 minutes. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee finally gets a question, and makes the most of it. "I'm kind of glad I wasn't in on the first few minutes because it was all about these guys fighting each other," he says. "I'm not interested in fighting these guys. What I'm interested in is fighting for the American people." The crowd is cheering. Huckabee is not wearing a lapel pin. The lapel pin doesn't mean a damn thing.

26 to 35 minutes. The candidates talk about healthcare. They are all against whatever Hillary Clinton is for. But beyond that there is confusion about what kind of mandates, tax credits, prevention requirements should be included. Texas Rep. Ron Paul says poor people don't have good healthcare because America is spending money "running a world empire." Huckabee tells a joke about old hippie baby boomers, who are about to realize they can get free drugs from Medicare. "Just wait until what that's going to cost," he says. More laughter.

40 minutes. The first commercial break. Over on the Fox Network, it's still the bottom of the first, Manny Ramirez singles to left center, scoring Dustin Pedroia from second. One to nothing, Red Sox.

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