King Kaufman's Sports Daily
With the administration buying off journalists willy-nilly, this column says in no uncertain terms: Ka-ching! Plus: John Madden and Nicollette's towel. And: Wisconsin's who-cares home winning streak.
Read more: Sports, TV, Journalism, Basketball, News, Ethics, Football, NFL, Salon News, College Basketball, King Kaufman, Sports Daily
Jan. 26, 2005 | I don't know how to say this any more clearly, folks: This column is for sale. This columnist is for sale. Caricature, opinions and all. You pay, I say. Have iBook, will travel. (Steve Jobs: That one was free, but call me.)
You think college sports don't need reforming? A field-goal attempt is the most exciting play in football -- with the possible exception of a squib kick? Twelve wild-card teams should make the baseball playoffs each year? Me (contingent on remittance) too!
Grub first, then ethics. It's all the rage in journalism these days, but I was ahead of the curve. I wish I could show you the original version of my caricature, which had the words "Your Ad Here" where there's now a crown tattoo. But now that this sort of thing is coming out into the open, maybe I can finally get on the gravy train.
We already knew that Armstrong Williams took $240,000 from the Department of Education to promote President Bush's No Child Left Behind program on his syndicated TV and radio shows. In Wednesday's Washington Post Howard Kurtz reported that columnist Maggie Gallagher was paid $21,500 by the Department of Health and Human Services to promote the administration's proposed ban on gay marriage.
"Did I violate journalistic ethics by not disclosing it?" Gallagher asked Kurtz Socratically. "I don't know. You tell me."
Let me tell you, Magaroo: Yes. Rock on! You're an inspiration to us all.
But here's the best part, readers. You don't have to be a politician or a fusty old department of the Executive Branch to be a customer. I've spent two years courting a certain burger chain whose slogan -- extrapolated -- is "(What the Heck), Ya Gotta Eat! (or you'll starve, and eating our burgers is marginally better than starvation)" to sponsor my NFL What the Heck Pick™ of the week.
The burger people have been strangely reluctant to buy in, but their loss could be your gain. Think outside the Op-Ed page, people. Make me an offer.
Patriots to lose in the Super Bowl? Crazy camera angles are the greatest? Chris Berman, golden voice for the ages? NHL owners make MENSA look like a remedial reading class? You bet!
This column believes in the free market, and we're open for business, baby. No typist left behind.
