Spring breakers, club predators and Top 40 thrill-seekers have fallen head over buns for “The Thong Song,” R&B sensation Sisqo’s uninhibited ode to that most skimpy of lower-body garments. Sure, the thong may bring out the dirty dawg in all of us, but isn’t there a more sophisticated means of praise than that freaky MTV refrain? If Shakespeare were alive and kicking it in Cancun, he might have offered his own two shillings. Indeed, there’s nothing like iambic pentameter to class up a concept.
“THE THONG SONNET”
O shapely arse by trousers not concealed
Your vision so divine it roundly speaks
Of passion unconfined and love revealed
A thread of heaven laid between two cheeks
On Acapulco sand I greet your form
Amongst the hoochie thighs and frat guy leers
With Molson Ice in hand the suitors swarm
And sniff like dogs at passing sun-baked rears
But neither man nor beast could ever hope
To harness that which flosses supple ass
With several inches of synthetic rope
Accentuating posterior mass
Sweet thong, your countenance up in that crack
Doth dutifully confirm: Baby got back
