"If a frog had side pockets ..."

Wednesday, Nov 8, 2000 12:00 PST

Election Night stretched into morning, and Dan Rather's down-home witticisms got weirder and weirder.

The wit and wisdom of Dan Rather, collected Tuesday night and into the wee hours Wednesday by mesmerized Salon staffers.

"He spent money like he had shorted Microsoft." (On Jon Corzine spending $80 million to win his New Jersey Senate race.)

"They'll be doing back flips in Nashville." (On Gore winning Pennsylvania.)

"These returns are running like a squirrel in a cage."

"It was as hot and squalid as a New York elevator in August." (On the New York Senate race.)

"Bush has run through Dixie like a big wheel through a cotton field."

"It would be Shakespearean for Al Gore to lose because of his home state."

"This will have the people in Austin standing up like they got stuck with hat pins." (On the recantation of Florida results.)

"If he doesn't carry Florida, Slim will have left town." (On Gore's chances.)

"Hotter than a Laredo parking lot." (On the race)

"I think you would likelier see a hippopotamus run through this room than see George Bush appoint Ralph Nader to the Cabinet."

"This race is as tight as a too-small bathing suit on a too-hot car ride back from the beach."

"If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a handgun." (In response to somebody telling him that if someone won one state ...)

"We've lived by the crystal ball, we're eating so much broken glass. We're in critical condition."

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