ST. PAUL, Minn. -- You know, when the days get darkest for me, when it seems like there's no hope left in this country, I'm always cheered by the fact that I have real, down-home Americans to protect me from the liberal elitist elite.

I know I can always count on Rudy Giuliani, for one. He was so right when he attacked Barack Obama for his belief -- which Obama has talked about publicly so often -- that Wasilla, Alaska, where Sarah Palin used to be mayor, "isn't cosmopolitan enough." That sort of thing just feels so real coming from Giuliani, you know? Probably because he himself used to be the mayor of Grand Encampment, Wyo.

And man, Mitt Romney was great, wasn't he, when he was railing against the "Eastern elites?" If only he were still governor of Idaho.

But of course, the person who most inspires me is Cindy McCain, wife of Republican presidential nominee John McCain. See, I feel like I can relate to her -- because the outfit I wore to the Xcel Center on Monday night cost $300,000, just like hers did.