For all the girls

Mon, 18 Oct 1999 16:00:00 +0000

Some parents spend their weekends at the edge of the soccer field or in the bleachers at the gym. Not me. My daughter Ali never liked team sports, but after she came out I became a spectator to her new life as a gay woman and soon discovered a culture with its own music, theater, politics and rules.

It was not enough for me to accept her. That was the same as a mother telling her daughter she's beautiful. It was not enough for me to like certain movies -- "The Birdcage" comes to mind -- or gay hairdressers, or hotshot lesbian softball players. I soon learned that most images of gays and lesbians are rife with offensive stereotypes, and that Ali had become part of a family I did not know.

I don't like being left out of her life. She called me one Tuesday afternoon, begging: "I know it's a weeknight. I know you go to bed early. But you can't miss Peggy Shaw. Please come see her with me. You'll like her. I know you will!" So I said sure, even though I wondered how I'd possibly stay awake. Turns out I didn't need to worry.

Salon.com > Lee Uttmark

For all the girls