Salon.com > Michael Humphrey

I always thought I’d be fat

Tue, 28 Jun 2011 00:25:00 +0000

For 40 years, I was fat. No sartorial trickery could hide it. No amount of career or personal success made me forget it. I want to say I learned to be comfortable in my skin, but it's not true. I hated being seen with my shirt off -- which meant no gyms, no swimming pools or beaches. I hated the multiple-angle mirrors of dressing rooms. I even felt self-conscious ordering food at restaurants. Then, two years ago, I moved to New York City -- and within 11 months, I wasn't fat anymore.

How that happened was insanely simple. If everyone lost weight the way I did, there would be no "Biggest Loser" on television, because my transformation so lacked in drama and complexity. But I lost 80 pounds -- weight I could never lose before. I now wear the pants size I wore in seventh grade. My former next-door neighbor didn't recognize me on a recent visit. Even I get surprised when I see myself.

Back in the Midwest, where I lived my entire adult life, the most common question was, "How did you do it?" Some people asked with a wink and nod -- you know those vain coastal people and their shortcuts. No, I didn't have surgery, didn't take supplements, didn't hire a trainer or even buy a miracle-cure book.

“Wonders in the Sky”: Why we’ve always been obsessed with UFOs

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 00:01:00 +0000

UFO skeptics take note: Strange flying objects have been haunting our planet for much longer than many people think. Over 3,000 years ago, in the Egyptian Nile Valley, a man reported looking into the sky to see a "shining disk" descend and tell him to build a new city. On Sept. 11, 1787, in Edinburgh, Scotland, a group of people reported, "a fiery globe larger than the sun" moving eastward in a horizontal direction and dipping below the horizon before exploding behind a cloud. Eight years later, in the Quangxi province of China, a "large star" rose and fell three times, followed by another star that "crashed in a village."

According to Jacques Vallee, the French-born astronomer and co-author (with Chris Aubeck) of the hypnotic new book "Wonders in the Sky: Unexplained Aerial Objects from Antiquity to Modern Times," these stories are important not only because they show that flying things have been capturing our imagination for centuries, but because of what they say about our most cherished beliefs and deepest fears. In the book, Vallee and Aubeck list 500 claims of sightings, in chronological order, between the years 1460 BC and 1879, and argue that the commonalities -- references to light, round shapes, erratic flight and terror in the observer -- offer us real insight into human behavior and our need to find explanation for things we cannot explain.

20 essential apps picked by people we trust

Mon, 08 Nov 2010 15:01:00 +0000

Remember when you had to be at a computer to check your e-mail? Lug a cookbook or a magazine to find a recipe? Watch TV on … a TV? The things we can do with our smart phones these days seem endless. In fact, when it comes to apps, there often seems to be too much choice. With thousands of features out there, for everything from playing Scrabble to keeping our flights organized, it can be hard to figure out which ones are really worth the download. That's where we come in.

To help you find the best apps, we've asked some of our favorite tech-savvy people -- writers, technology experts, actors, musicians, newscasters and more -- to share their picks.

9 wild options for your cremains

Tue, 02 Nov 2010 00:20:00 +0000

A few weeks ago, a savvy Web traveler alerted us to memorials.com, a funeral products website that, alongside the requisite caskets, headstones and urns, sells a set of items we found disturbing and fascinating: customized abstract paintings, created with the ashes of a loved one mixed into the paint.

Once we got over our knee-jerk revulsion, our curiosity was piqued. A little digging around unearthed a whole variety of unconventional memorial products: cremains pressed into diamonds, walking sticks, an eco-friendly coral reef. You can even incorporate ashes into a fireworks display, or press them into a vinyl record over music of your choosing.

Just in time for Day of the Dead, we wanted to take a closer look at what this alternative funeral industry says about the way we perceive, commodify and experience that most potent of life's mysteries: death.

"The funeral industry is changing," said Nick Drobnis, founder and president of Angels Flight, the cremains-in-fireworks company. "More and more families are beginning to see final services as a way to gather together and celebrate their loved ones' lives rather than to mourn their passing. They want to remember something beautiful, not a somber graveside event."

“Shock of Gray”: How old people will remake the world

Sun, 31 Oct 2010 18:01:00 +0000

These days people are living longer lives than ever before. Ancient Romans expected to live an average of 25 years. Today, thanks to advanced medicine and nutrition, the worldwide average is 64. In all, we will enjoy 250 billion more years of life than if we had been born a century ago. Few people, of course, would argue that's a bad thing -- but, as more and more people get older, it means that our world is about to undergo some very dramatic changes.

According to journalist Ted C. Fishman's new book "Shock of Gray," those changes are already being felt in parts of the world. By reporting from cities that are ahead of the overall aging curve, Fishman deftly forecasts the larger problems that will soon consume the globe. Professionals and skilled laborers will be pushed out of their jobs before they can afford to retire, forcing many into service industries that pay a small fraction of their former salaries. Rural communities will struggle with acute aging as young people leave for the cities. That in turn will create opportunities for immigrants, thus accelerating globalization. Builders will need to accommodate more people with greater mobility issues, which will drive up costs for infrastructure. At the same time, scientists will continue to tweak the human life span to the point, perhaps one day, of near immortality.

Dad claims he wrote the Beatles’ “Lady Madonna”

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 17:01:00 +0000

When the world first learned John Lennon had died, I was taking a bath. From down the hallway, I could hear Howard Cosell interrupt Monday Night Football: "The most famous, perhaps, of all of the Beatles, shot twice in the back, rushed to Roosevelt Hospital, dead on arrival."

"God did that!" screamed my dad from the living room.

"Oh, don't start that crap," my mom replied.

"God did that to him," he repeated, "for stealing my song."

I was 11 at the time.

Dad believed – still believes – that he wrote the lyrics to "Lady Madonna," which reached Number 4 on the Billboard Music Charts in 1968. "Believes" is actually too weak a word. He knows; he remembers. He says to strangers, "You know the Beatles stole my song, don't you?" It is a fact to him, like his shoe size, like his hometown. This is a hallmark of his life, and my inheritance.

There were early signs that the claim was not, indeed, true. For example, my dad also says that he wrote the theme to the 1966 television show "Batman." Mind you, he doesn't read music, he only writes lyrics, and here are all the words to that song: Batman. He has claimed authorship of songs by Three Dog Night, Elvis and the Romantics. He also invented many things, he says, including wind surfing. I don't believe any of that, but "Lady Madonna?" Maybe.

Stuck in a well: A short cultural history

Thu, 14 Oct 2010 19:01:00 +0000

Now that the dramatic, round-the-clock rescue of 33 Chilean miners has finally come to a close, it's worth asking: "Why do we love a story about people in holes?" Call it the "Timmy in a Well trope" -- in news, as in entertainment, we are riveted by people stuck underground.

"I suppose there are mythic elements at work here," says author Melissa Fay Greene, who wrote "Last Man Out: The Story of the Springhill Mine Disaster." "These are men who learned something about the beyond. They have literally been buried alive."

There is something uniquely modern about it, too. The first television news event to captivate all of America in real time was about Kathy Fiscus, who fell into an abandoned water well. Stan Chambers of KTLA in Los Angeles covered the story for 27 hours until a doctor was lowered into the well to find her dead from suffocation.

“Where Good Ideas Come From”: Epiphanies are overrated

Tue, 12 Oct 2010 11:01:00 +0000

Where do brilliant ideas come from? When reporters ask Tim Berners-Lee about the moment he conceived of the World Wide Web, he can't answer. He hasn't forgotten, it just never happened. The idea percolated in his mind for nearly a decade, based on a desire to organize massive amounts of data shared between connected computers. He needed ideas of others to buzz around him and he needed an image that would make his idea understandable. His "stack" of information became a "mesh" before eventually becoming a "web." The cliché did not hold true: His moment of insight, as it turns out, wasn't the result of a single flashbulb going off in his brain.

Great moments in publishing: Celebs turned novelists

Fri, 01 Oct 2010 12:57:00 +0000

News that "Jersey Shore" star Snooki will soon join the literati came packed with excitement, especially her own. "I'm pumped," she said in announcing "A Shore Thing," the tentative title of her romance novel, due out early next year. But it's not the first first-pumping a celebrity has given to the world of letters. Any public figure can write a memoir, but it takes a special daring to jump into the realm of fiction. Here are 10 of the most memorable attempts.

10. Nicole Richie, "The Truth About Diamonds" (2005)

If any corner of American culture needed an exposé less than Hollywood nightlife, we couldn't think of it. Still, the celebutante's 2005 novel was called "shockingly entertaining" by the New York Post. And why not with prose such as, "The nightclubs of L.A. are like soap operas, except they're not Days of Our Lives; they're more like Passions -- crazy stuff happens, and no one bats a fake eyelash."

9. Oliver North, "Mission Compromised" (2002)

“My Lie”: Why I falsely accused my father

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 11:01:00 +0000

More than 20 years ago, Meredith Maran falsely accused her father of molestation. That she came to believe such a thing was possible reveals what can happen when personal turmoil meets a powerful social movement. In her book "My Lie: A True Story of False Memory" (the introduction of which is excerpted on Salon), Maran recounts the 1980s feminist-inspired campaign to expose molestation, which hit feverish levels in 1988 with the book 'The Courage to Heal." As an early reporter on the story, Maran observed family therapy sessions, interviewed molesters and steeped herself in cases where abuse clearly took place. Meanwhile, she divorced her husband and fell in love with a woman who was also an incest survivor. Maran began having nightmares about her own molestation and soon what had been a contentious relationship with her father turned into accusations of unspeakable crimes. Eventually, she came to realize the truth. She was the person who had done wrong.

“Ah-Choo!”: What you didn’t know about the common cold

Sun, 19 Sep 2010 15:01:00 +0000

The common cold makes fools of us. It's not just the runny nose and Daffy Duck speech; it's our naiveté about preventing, alleviating and curing the mess. Despite spending millions of dollars on preventions such as Airborne and immunity enhancers and endlessly washing our hands, we humans are still constantly undone by the minuscule menace. On average, we catch between 100 and 200 colds in our lifetime, and in the coming weeks, as the weather cools off, it will likely reduce millions to heaps of mucous and lethargy.

But despite its tremendous cultural presence, there are still many things we don't understand about the common cold. In her surprising new book, "Ah-Choo! The Uncommon Life of Your Common Cold," Jennifer Ackerman reveals what serious scientists have and haven't learned in nearly a century of research. Ackerman, a science journalist and author of "Sex Sleep Eat Drink Dream: A Day in the Life of Your Body," clarifies the origin of the virus name (it spreads in cold weather because we go indoors), finds out how socioeconomics could affect colds, makes connections to pandemics such as H1N1 and even considers the positive implications of being stricken.