Dear bridal party

A bride-from-hell's orders on what to wear, how to act and what to think.

Published June 26, 1998 6:32PM (EDT)

EDITORS NOTE: 'Tis the season of cheap dyed-to-match shoes and tulle, of wilting boutonnieres and scratchy teal organza dresses that couldn't find a home at Goodwill. And that's if you're lucky. For all you brave bridesmaids who are putting friendship before taste and self-respect, we at Mothers Who Think salute you. And offer this actual 1976 letter from a Youngstown, Ohio, bride-to-be to her bridesmaids and ushers. Read it and count your blessings.


Dear Bridal Party:

From time to time I will be dropping everyone a line or two to keep each of you informed about how the wedding plans are progressing so that no one thinks I have forgotten them and no one is in the dark.

Bridesmaids: Each bridesmaid will receive her dress via mail from Priscilla of Boston sometime in January. This will give each of you enough time to have the dress "professionally" altered if need be. The dresses are chiffon "Priscilla" dresses and can be worn after the wedding. The right shoulder is bare and there is no sleeve on the left arm. Each has its own cape, which goes almost to the floor. The two matrons of honor will be in silver and the four bridesmaids in peppermint green. As of this date, I have not decided whether the two in silver will wear green gloves and the four in green silver gloves, but long gloves will be worn. I strongly suggest that each person shops now for the typical cloth "closed-toe" shoe. Keep the heel size reasonable -- of course, no platforms of any kind. Anyone having trouble with their legs should wear support hose.

Ushers: Each usher will be dressed identically to the groom, best man, and the head groomsman: black tails. Be sure you have black silk socks and black dress shoes polished to a high shine.

Reception Rehearsal: On Saturday afternoon (early) we will go to Powers Auditorium to practice for the reception that night after the wedding ceremony. Why? Well, there is a long staircase at the auditorium that will be put to full use: Each bridal-party couple will be introduced separately and will proceed down the first half of the staircase (accompanied by music). Upon reaching the platform in the middle of the stairs, the girl will be required to "swirl" from the right side of the steps and move to the left side, and her partner (an usher) will move to the right; then they will proceed down the second half of the stairs and take their positions for the Bridal Dance.

Dancing: I will try to find a choreographer to help with the Bridal Dance -- but each person can please do his or her part by learning to waltz correctly in three-quarter time. Now, when I say waltz, I do not in any way mean two steps here and two steps there, always standing in one spot. When we waltz it will be to "Tales of the Vienna Woods." Each usher will be twirling his partner while moving in a large circle and maintaining even spacing between each couple. Turn on some old-time movies and you can see how it is supposed to be done. But, PLEASE, PLEASE, practice now! Suggestion: Go take dancing lessons!! That's what we have to do!!

Also, there will be some polkas, the Charleston, jitterbug, and others. These are not "required" dances. There will not be any up-to-date dances. I personally dislike them and think they look terrible -- they simply are not dances, in my estimation.

Photographs: There will be plenty. First and foremost, there will be "sound motion pictures" taken throughout the wedding ceremony, during the Bridal Dance, and while each bridal-party couple walks down the steps at the reception. Flash pictures will be taken in the church ONLY until my father and I arrive at the altar -- after that there will be NO flash pictures; the official photographer will be taking time exposures. I believe it is the height of ill manners for any guest to leave his or her seat and proceed to the altar to take pictures.

Dress Requirements: Makeup -- It is requested that you wear a little more than usual because of the photographs and the movie pictures. Any ladies with short eyelashes are requested to wear either false eyelashes or go to a beauty parlor and have false eyelashes put in one by one. The matrons of honor wearing the silver dresses must have a lot of pink in their makeup. That is straight from Priscilla. Be sure that each of the four other bridesmaids has green eyeshadow and that every one wears blusher, powder, eyebrow pencil, foundation, lipstick, and mascara -- the works!! There will be two experts in the field of makeup to help anyone who needs it or wants it. As for the men, ho, ho, you will have your turn also. If you have a shiny face, be sure to use some of your wife's face powder to take the shine away.

For the wives and husbands of those who are in the wedding party:

Ladies -- the color of the bridesmaids' dresses has been stated, and all that I ask is that your dress be a color that will not contrast with the peppermint green, that it is of full length, and fairly simple in line. Also, please do not wear an extensive amount of jewelry, as the bridesmaids will possibly wear only small pearl earrings. Be sure each of you has gloves. You need wear nothing in your hair.

Men -- Amy Vanderbilt's book on etiquette says that anyone receiving a formal invitation is to wear "black tie," which means tuxedo. Now, this could get rather touchy, so I will put it this way: If you do not wish to wear a tux, or do not wish to take on the expense of renting one, it will be perfectly fine to wear a "black" suit, white shirt with French cuffs, black silk socks, black shoes, and a black-and-silver tie. I hope this doesn't inconvenience too many, but I would hate to look at color pictures of the head table and see some men in black tails and others in brown or blue suits!!

Children at the Wedding or Reception: It is my wish, and also Z.'s [the fianci], that there be no children at the wedding ceremony or at the reception. For purposes of clarification, a child is anyone eighteen years or younger. There are many reasons for this request, but the best is the simple fact that I don't have the money to invite children who only pick at their food, cry, run around, etc. One friend of mine, who married about a year ago, says that when she got her wedding pictures back, there wasn't one that didn't have a kid in it and she was disgusted. Don't get me wrong, children are great. But there is a time and a place for them and this isn't it. This is an adult, ultra-formal affair and I want to keep it that way.

One point of etiquette: When a formal invitation is sent out with Mr. and Mrs. Paul J. Smith on the outside envelope and Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the inside envelope, that is exactly what it means -- only Mr. and Mrs. Smith are being invited and no one else; no others in the family, no guests who might be visiting at the time, etc. If asked about guests, you can "diplomatically" pass this on.

I know it sounds like I am being a real fusspot, but I would hate to tell each of you what the cost is per person just for the reception alone. I'm doing this for my friends and relatives, for all of us to have a good time, but since there are only so many hours in the day, and I already have three jobs, and I am not a Vanderbilt, some lines must be drawn, and I hope everyone understands.

I've never wanted a small country-type wedding -- Z. says this is no wedding but rather a coronation!! Well, not quite. But it sure has been fun so far, and I just cannot wait for everyone to arrive and for all our friends and relatives to have one great, fabulous night. Everyone think positive and keep your fingers crossed. Pray -- that will bring more help.

Won't each of you come with Z. and me to fantasyland -- a place where dreams come true and fun abounds for everyone? Where the bride is Cinderella and the groom is Cinderfella for an evening. You are going to attend a ball at "Buckingham Palace" (pretend) and the King and Queen have invited only "royalty" -- YOU! This will be a time to remember when you were courting the person to whom you are now married -- a time to take a second honeymoon. We want everyone to be as happy as we are and to rekindle (add extra "fire" to) their own marriages. If you have a happy marriage now (which I know you all do), we expect the Palace to be really electrified with all that LOVE.

May your every dream come true!



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