Move over, Mr. Blue. You've got competition. Gennifer Flowers has her Web site up and running and ready to advise us on how to bewitch men, and, if we are lucky, how to lure a millionaire -- or at least a politician.
Dolly Kyle Browning, another long-rumored Clinton paramour, has a very extensive Web enterprise that offers exclusive access to the inside story of her times with Bill.
Paula Jones may be lagging on the Web, but she's consulted a psychic hot line and gazed into crystal balls, and she's planning a singing career, so stayed tuned.
Monica Lewinsky is selling handbags and contemplating the launch of a line of cosmetics, including lipstick that stays on no matter what you do with your lips.
It's all about exploitation, baby. Launched in August, Flowers' site proudly presents the Presidente cigar, a blend of Cuban seed tobaccos grown in the Dominican Republic and Honduras. Prices have yet to be announced. Flowers also peddles photos of herself in starlet poses -- $4.95 for black and white, $5.95 for color. Don't pass up the picture of her dressed only in a man's white dress shirt, pulling papers from a filing cabinet with a cardboard cutout of Clinton in the background for $12.95. Each photo is numbered and signed by Flowers.
Obviously, a scandal Web site is not complete without tapes. Flowers offers several along with other kinds of audio products. She "sets the record straight" with the "Complete and Unedited Bill Clinton/Gennifer Flowers Tapes and the Story Behind Them." According to Flowers, "These are very limited editions and collectors items!"
In 1992, Flowers tried to sell these tapes to the tabloids after the scandal erupted about her possible affair with the president, but now she'll sell them directly to you. Beware, though. The president's whispery sweet nothin's seem positively tame next to the other audio offerings on her site, such as Flowers' purring renditions of such classics as "Ain't Misbehavin'" and "When a Man Loves a Woman."
The former hairdresser notes she was honored by Oxford University when she spoke about "Surviving Sex, Power and Propaganda" there last February.
But Flowers' real passion seems to be to encourage the lovelorn and the confused to write to her. She wants to give advice on the things she knows best: how to deal with a relationship with a married person; how to resolve or dissolve difficult romantic relationships; how to catch a husband; and how to be sexy for your man "and keep him interested for years to come."
The "charismatic chanteuse" began the Web site "to create a base of support for all who have gone through experiences that have threatened their ability to survive and thrive. As an organized group of support for each other, we can accomplish any goal in life."
Like making some money.
Dolly Kyle Browning, the Texas attorney who also claims a long-standing affair with Clinton, offers two of her books on her Web site -- "Purposes of the Heart," a novel, and "Perjuries of the Heart," the "true story about President Clinton."
Browning claims that the White House tried to quash the publication of "Purposes of the Heart." A lawsuit is still pending in that matter.
A quote on Browning's Web site, supposedly from Clinton circa 1979, says: "I love your songs! And your stories! You're a great writer! ... Don't ever censor anything about us. You have to write what's in your heart ... Promise me you'll never censor anything you might want to write."
Of course, with such a gushing endorsement, the autographed books aren't cheap -- $25 for the novel, $26 for the "true" story. And you can't find these volumes at Amazon.com!
Clintonia clearly sells on the Internet. Recently, a 1963 Hot Springs High School yearbook -- with Bill, Dolly and "prominent political classmates that gained Washington jobs from him" -- sold for $510 on eBay. A 1964 yearbook from Clinton's senior year fetched its owner nearly $300.
A 1992 Time magazine cover signed by the prez sold for $98. The seller said it came from a source in Clinton's Arkansas office. A baseball signed by Clinton sold for $255.
Poor Paula Jones cannot draw the high dollars on eBay that the president does, or even Ken Starr. A Starr autographed photo sold for more than $18, for example. The one hot item for Jones is her 1992 romp in Penthouse, but those issues go for only $2 a pop. Surprisingly, Jones has yet to venture into cyberspace herself, although several Web sites exist about her. Earlier this year, she tried peering into a crystal ball and reading tea leaves for a psychic hot line. Surely, though, as Jones ponders a Grand Ol' Opry singing career, a Web site must be in the making, if only to promote her musical talents.
Of all the president's women, the elusive actress Elizabeth Gracen, who circled the globe avoiding Starr's subpoenas, steadfastly refuses to exploit her alleged relationship with Clinton. The time may have arrived for her to take a lesson from Gennifer and Dolly Kyle, however.
On Sunday, French police arrested Gracen's American ex-boyfriend, Patrick Austin, who allegedly pretended to be a U.N. ambassador. He reportedly deserted the former Miss America without paying a large hotel bill for a three-week stay in a Paris suite. He also has been charged with embezzlement and using forged documents.
Meanwhile, someone has to pay that damn hotel bill. Perhaps Gracen will be the next to get online and sell us her story?