OK Guccione, now you've got Thelma mad

Penthouse exposes Geena -- ungraciously; Douglas marrying Zeta-Jones? Just as soon as he becomes a Muslim; Diana Ross said to grope groping guard; Stephanopoulos just says no to White House intern.


Amy Reiter
September 23, 1999 8:00PM (UTC)

Geena Davis may be tall and handy with a bow and arrow, but the former finalist in U.S. Olympic archery team tryouts is no Amazon. And Penthouse magazine has the topless photos to prove it.

In an issue that hits newsstands next week, Penthouse will share with the world proof that the actress possesses two -- count 'em, two -- breasts. The unauthorized pics depict Davis frolicking on a yacht near one of Di and Dodi's old haunts, the Mediterranean resort Calla di Volpe, with 28-year-old surgeon Reza Jarrahy.

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But the 42-year-old actress is decidedly not your average surgically enhanced Penthouse Pet, prompting the magazine's editors to dub her "Breast Unsupported Actress."

Geez, did you people learn nothing from "Thelma and Louise"?

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That's not what the Secret Service says, Joe

"The show does not mimic what happens on a day-to-day basis in the White House because that would bore people ... Much of what we do in the White House is intricate policy development that would be like watching grass grow."

-- Presidential spokesman Joe Lockhart on the fictional plot of the premiere of "The West Wing," which depicts a White House staffer (played by Rob Lowe) as accidentally sleeping with a prostitute and then worrying that she'll talk. I'm guessing it's the "accidentally" part that's fictional.

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If Michael won't go to Mohammed ...

All those tabloid types gabbing about an imminent engagement announcement from Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones might want to hit the pause button.

A recent London Times report indicates that if the two actors were to walk down the aisle any time soon, they'd not only have the proverbial something old (Douglas) and something new (Zeta-Jones) covered; they'd be all set for something borrowed as well: Douglas again.

It seems, despite reports to the contrary two years ago, the aging playboy's still married to his estranged first wife of 23 years, Diandra, and she ain't budging unless her ex forks over a chunk of change -- something in the neighborhood of, say, $150 million.

"Before Michael can marry," a feisty Diandra told the Times, "he has to divorce me -- or become a Muslim so he can have two wives."

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Considering the major moolah involved, that conversion option might be something to think over.

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Buying a fast car or having a torrid affair is not for everyone

"I just turned 50. That may have had something to do with it. Ever heard of the phrase 'midlife crisis'?"

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-- Janet Maslin on why she's ditching her gig as the New York Times' chief film critic, in the New York Observer.

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Juicy bits

And now, let's just take a moment to reflect on Diana Ross' supremely delicious reaction to an alleged mid-frisk breast brush by a female security guard at London's Heathrow Airport. Did she break into the chorus of "Stop in the Name of Love"? Oh, no. She allegedly groped the grabby gal right back and sweetly inquired, "How do you like it?" Then, before being dragged off to Scotland Yard, she fumed to any reporter who'd listen, "I'm absolutely furious. Do you know when they search you, they actually touch your breast? It's disgraceful ... They wouldn't touch a man's penis, would they?" Baby, baby ... where did your tact go?

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That pesky former White House intern/stalker is back and breathing heavy. No, not that pesky former White House intern/stalker (Monica's busy peddling purses online, thank you very much); the other one, Tangela Burkhart, who just can't seem to stay away from George Stephanopoulos, despite court orders. The big guy in a small package dropped a dime on his biggest fan last week after he found her lurking in his favorite New York coffee shop. And the very wise judge who considered the case refused to hold Burkhart in contempt, but ordered her to have her head examined. After which she'll be free to star in the sequel to "Get Shorty."

Ed Koch may have been relieved of his "People's Court" gavel, but it looks like he's not the only ex-NYC mayor out to make a big splash on the small screen. David Dinkins will put down his tennis racket long enough to appear on an upcoming episode of "Cosby" as the man o' the cloth who marries off Cosby's daughter. Anyone else feel a City Hall-size yawn coming on?


Amy Reiter

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