Thai cock-cutting catastrophe

Dozens of Bangkok penises are annually "fed to the ducks" by vengeful wives.

Published December 7, 1999 5:00PM (EST)

Dec. 7, 1999

Another philandering Thai husband has been horribly stripped of his adulterous manhood.

Bangkok police captain Samphan Panitphan went on a drinking binge with his buddies last weekend, reports Saturday's Daily Record. Returning home to his suspicious wife Sudjai, 28, he collapsed in a stupor.

His unconscious body presented an irresistible target to Sudjai, who carved out some vengeance for his recent affairs. She cut off his penis!

Removing the devious dicks of wandering husbands is becoming almost as common in Thailand as carving up coconuts. The slashing wives' habit is euphemistically referred to as "tat lieng pet" (feeding the duck) due to an incident in which the offending organ was tossed into a yard where a passing duck ate it.

Bangkok surgeons are challenged with about 60 penile attachment operations per year, notes the Mirror. Victims and their removed rods must be stitched together quickly because isolated cock-cells expire in approximately one hour.

When Samphan woke up screaming and bloody, he urgently telephoned his cop colleagues for help. Arriving abruptly, they interrogated Sudjai about the missing staff's whereabouts, but she refused to immediately divulge the location of its grave. When she finally guided everyone to a sewage drainpipe, the extramarital member was deceased.

Sudjai was arrested and charged with physical assault, which carries a maximum penalty of 10 years imprisonment.

If convicted, will her punishment halt the plague of hose-hatcheting? Probably not: as long as Thai men maintain their loose tradition of taking "second" wives, the first spouses will sharpen daggers for duck-food.

By Hank Hyena

Hank Hyena is a former columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon.

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