What ... the ... F!@$#%&!!
Celebrity real estate news doesn't get much weirder than this. The word out of Miami is that Madonna's waterfront mansion has been sold -- to the tune of $7.5 million, cash -- to a dog.
The 8,432-square-foot, eight-bedroom, eight-and-a-half-bathroom, Mediterranean-style manse has reportedly been snapped up by a German shepherd named Gunther, who, according to his press-courting handlers, has $150 million burning a hole in his bank account, courtesy of a wealthy German countess who died in 1992.
But wait, that's not all. Although the moneyed mutt (who already owns several homes in Italy and the Bahamas and who, the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel reports, last year put down a bid on Sylvester Stallone's mansion only to back out at the last minute) will get Madonna's old bedroom, which overlooks a luxurious pool and Biscayne Bay, he will not live in the house alone. Oh no. He'll have five fun friends to look after him.
And ... um ... these five special pooper-scoopers also happen to be a coed version of the Backstreet Boys. They call themselves "the Burgundians" and are part of Gunther's handlers' plan to "start investing in the entertainment field, in movies and television shows and the fashion industry."
Maurizio Mian, the Burgundians' "trainer," said at a Miami press conference on Wednesday that the group had chosen Madonna's house as a base because she is "the most clever entertainer in the world."
"The spirit of Madonna will help us train them," he said, before another "trainer" chimed in that the group was "in negotiations with some national broadcasters" to market their image on TV although it was too early to say with whom.
And you thought television had already gone to the dogs ...
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Speaking of stinky reality TV shows ...
Why is it that the U.S. version of "Big Brother" gets a wacky roofer and a Bible-clutching lawyer while the U.K. version gets a former nun who's into "pubs, pals and sex" and a textile artist who's handy on the trapeze and stilts?
Does this seem fair to you?
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From the mouth of the horse
"Kids are getting ripped off by people who are not talented and can't cut it live. The kids are getting fleeced."
-- Spice Girl Mel C on how pop bands exploit the kiddies.
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A vast right-nut conspiracy?
What did Hillary Rodham Clinton know and when did she know it? According to Jerry Oppenheimer's new book about the first couple, she was well aware of her husband's roving eye way before she married him. And when they were living in different cities in 1974, he contends, she even wrote the future prez a letter, excerpted in the New York Daily News, asking him to stop carrying on with a pretty coed.
"I still do not understand the things you do to hurt me," Hillary allegedly wrote. "You left me in tears and not knowing what our relationship was all about. I know all your little girls around there ... and if that's what it is, you will outgrow this.
"They will not be with you when you need them. They are not the ones who can help you achieve your goals.
"Remember what we talked about. Remember the goals we set for ourselves. You keep trying to stray from the plan we've put together. Take some time, think about it, and call me when you're ready."
Of his lusty feelings for the young student, she said, "This too shall pass. Let me remind you, it always does."
And we've got the handbags to prove it.
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The man who would be Fish
"He looked at me and he said, 'You look like you've got hemorrhoids.' And I said, 'What are you, a doctor or a producer?' And just like that, he said, 'You've got the job.'"
-- Abe Vigoda, explaining how he was cast by producer Danny Arnold on "Barney Miller" to a group of TV critics.
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Juicy bits
Angelina Jolie may be busy generating heat with her new hubby, Billy Bob Thornton, but she's apparently found a little time to spit a few sparks in the direction of her ex-husband, Jonny Lee Miller. By playing Lara Croft in the film based on the computer game Tomb Raider, she tells the U.K. tabs, she's getting him back. "Jonny used to play Tomb Raider all the time and I used to compete with this woman. Taking on this part is a woman's revenge." Though not quite as effective as hiding his joystick.
Well, that was fast. Scotland's Daily Record reports that Leonardo DiCaprio's relationship with Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen has made like the Titanic and sunk. "Friends" have told the paper that Leo's tantrums drove Bundchen back into the waiting arms of her ex-boyfriend Joao-Paulo Diniz. "Leo's crushed ... He's not used to getting dumped," said one "close pal." Guess this means the live webcast of their vacation is off.
Is Dr. Ross dating Ling? The Hollywood rumor mill's grinding out word that George Clooney and Lucy Liu are an item. Think she lets him feel her wattle?
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