21st Challenge No. 35 Results

Practice random acts of brevity: What happens when politicians are limited to five words?

By Charlie Varon - Jim Rosenau
Published August 23, 2000 7:38PM (EDT)

Webbys allow winners five words.

Why not limit politicians, too?

We asked you to try.

Results show: Less is more.

Thanks for playing our game!


"Promise: No sex, just Gore."
-- Mary Waggoner


Every political speech throughout history:
"I am promising the impossible."
-- Steve Leahy

All political speeches can be boiled down to five words:
"I'm not the other guy!"
-- Samantha Lynn

"You'll never catch me lying."
-- Jeff Taylor

The Lincoln-Douglas debates:
"The tall guy always wins."
-- Samantha Lynn

"What's worst about censorship is ..."
-- Glenn Hauman

Suggestions for George W. Bush

"I will avenge you, father."
-- Erik Hansen

"How many words? Five? Whoops."
-- Francis Heaney

"My middle name is different."
-- Tom Davidson

Inaugural Address, President George W. Bush:
"Check out dubya dubya DUBYA!"
-- Greg Sarab

More for Albert Gore Jr.

"I SWEAR I'm not Clinton."
-- Deborah Lewis

"Win one for the Tipper!"
-- Eli Neiburger

"My emotion chip is overheating."
-- Erik Hansen

"Won't screw up economy, interns."
-- M. Turyn

The Rest is History

"No more shallow political platforms!"
-- Renfield Kuroda

Any of Clinton's public apologies:
"I'm sorry I got caught."
-- James Burton

Bill Gates, announcing the breakup of Microsoft:
"Today was a great victory."
-- James Burton

Hey, Nixon beat you to it:
"I am not a crook."
-- Dave Brooks

John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address:
"Don't ask that, reverse it."
-- David McGroty

Jesus' Sermon on the Mount
"Are You Ready for Love?"
-- Tony Kahn

"Congress shall make no law."
-- Glenn Hauman

Thanks for taking our challenge. Another one in two weeks.

Charlie Varon

Charlie Varon is a humorist and playwright. His works include "Ralph Nader Is Missing" and "Rush Limbaugh in Night School."

MORE FROM Charlie Varon

Jim Rosenau

Jim Rosenau is a writer, editor and software designer in Berkeley, Calif. Jim and Charlie are also co-founders of the citizens group Californians for Earthquake Prevention and partners in Mockingbird Media, which offers a full line of comic services.

MORE FROM Jim Rosenau

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