Crazy, not naked

The wandering Anne Heche was out of her mind, not her clothes, cops say; Britney gets her own advice column; Roseanne strips for Gear. Plus: Jennifer Lopez buttons up.

By Amy Reiter
Published August 23, 2000 4:00PM (EDT)

It's been only four days and four nights since freshly single Anne Heche rambled down a remote dirt road in Fresno, Calif., and alarmed the residents of a rural ranch with her incomprehensible ranting, but already details -- and a possible explanation -- are beginning to emerge.

"There are indications she may have been under the influence of some sort of drug" when she knocked on the strangers' door, a law enforcement source told the Fresno Bee.

Other sources say Heche herself indicated that she may have been riding high on Ecstasy. And local TV station KSEE reported that one of the deputies called to the scene filed a report that Heche "proceeded to tell me that she was God and was going to take everyone back to heaven with her in some sort of spaceship."

However, Heche was definitively identified by police not as God, but as the famous actress who'd just split with her comedian girlfriend -- and her vehicle of choice was an SUV, apparently abandoned about a mile away from the ranch, and not, alas, a spaceship.

"She got here on foot," said the daughter of the ranch foreman. "She was just tired."

So what was she doing there? Fresno County sheriff's Lt. Merrill Wright, who says his department hasn't had to field this many media calls "since the Coalinga earthquake," can think of "no rhyme or reason" for Heche to have wandered into his sparsely populated domain. But there has been speculation that she was on her way to a women's music festival.

Now that Heche has reportedly been released from a local hospital and returned to Earth (or, more specifically, to Toronto, where she is filming a new movie with Denzel Washington, James Woods, Robert Duvall and Ray Liotta), things ought to settle down a bit in quiet town. But before the media lens refocuses, Wright's colleague, Lt. Gary Tigh, would like to clear one thing up. Contrary to reports, Heche was not naked.

"That was just plain wrong," he said.

Got that?

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Little ditty 'bout the former John Cougar

"I thought, 'My God, is that the line for Au Bon Pain?'"

-- Pam Determan, a secretary who was looking for a place to buy a sandwich, on the crowds overrunning Chicago's Daley Plaza for an impromptu free concert by John Mellencamp on Monday.

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Dear Britney?

Would you take advice from Britney Spears?

For two weeks starting Sept. 8, you'll have your chance. The pop star has signed a deal with BBC Online to become a short-term Dear Abby for the acne set.

"This is a great way of showing that pop stars are real people, too," Spears commented. "Most of those logging on are probably going through the same experiences most teens go through, and it is great to share with them how I dealt with these situations."

But don't expect her answers to be nearly as revealing as her crop tops.

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Vocalize this

"Whatever I do, it's my business. It's not my job to parent America."

-- Christina Aguilera, addressing criticism that she's using her teenage sex appeal to sell albums.

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Roseanne, Jenna don't love Hugh

Is Hugh Hefner losing his touch? First there was the Gore party snub -- and now the Playboy magnate's been rebuffed by Roseanne and Jenna Lewis, of "Survivor" fame, in the same week.

Lewis has reportedly reconsidered her inclination to pull a Richard in the pages of Playboy. Like fellow castaway Colleen Haskell before her, she's refusing to shed her sandy bikini, despite her previous statement that a $500,000 paycheck signed by Hef "would take care of me and my daughters for many, many years to come."

Meanwhile, Roseanne has weighed in on her decision to doff her duds for Bob Guccione Jr.'s Gear magazine, rather than Playboy. "Hugh Hefner wanted me to pose," she revealed to TV Guide Online, "but I thought Playboy was too adolescent a publication to show a real live sexual woman."

During negotiations, she said, "they just kept acting like it was too weird to have some beefy babe in there, just like boys who can't have sex with anything other than a teenager." By contrast, she contended, Gear "didn't need to snigger and insult my body first, and also the text is very intelligent."

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Juicy bits

Speaking of dud doffing, those of you hoping for a glimpse of Jennifer Lopez's nekkid bod will have to make do with replaying your Grammy video over and over and over again. The actress says she's not likely to take more than that off. "I think you can do love scenes that show skin, legs, whatever. But nudity is not for me," she tells Scotland's Daily Record. "I wouldn't feel good."

Grab your ham sandwiches! The Mamas & The Papas, the movie, is headed your way. After months of infighting, the members of '60s group -- John and Michelle Phillips, Denny Doherty and the estate of the late Cass Elliott -- have cut a million-dollar deal with 20th Century Fox and producer John Davis to sell the rights to their life story, Variety reports. Negotiations to use their music are reportedly still in progress.

I pity the fool who opts to sit through this one: a big-screen version of "The A-Team," the '80s TV series that made Mr. T a household name. But the T-man will not be in the action flick, which Fox 2000 hopes to release in 2001, according to Variety. Instead, the movie will have a younger cast of characters than the series and a more "contemporary feel." What, the Mohawk and gold chains weren't contemporary enough for those suckas?

Amy Reiter

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Britney Spears Celebrity Jennifer Lopez Survivor