Goofus and Gallant

Chapter One: Vice President Gallant lies

Published October 4, 2000 11:41PM (EDT)

Gov. Goofus doesn't do his homework.

Goofus: "It would be a wonderful time for the president of Russia to step into the Balkans and convince Mr. Milosevic it's in his best interest and his country's best interest to leave office ..."

Vice President Gallant feels like he has to show off how much he knows.

Gallant: "Well, Milosevic has lost the election. His opponent, Kostunica, has won the election. It's overwhelming. Milosevic's government refuses to release the vote count There's now a general strike going on. They're demonstrating. I think we should support the people of Serbia, and Yugoslavia, as they call Serbia plus Montenegro ..."

Vice President Gallant lies about whether he ever questioned whether Goofus has enough experience to be president.

Gallant: "I have actually not questioned Governor Bush's experience. I have questioned his proposals."

Gov. Goofus doesn't have enough experience to be president.

Goofus: "I believe the role of the military is to fight and win war and, therefore, prevent war from happening in the first place."

Vice President Gallant demagogues his opponent's prescription drug plan.

Gallant: "Under my plan, half of their costs would be paid right away. Under Governor Bush's plan, they would get not one penny for four to five years and then they would be forced to go into an HMO or to an insurance company and ask them for coverage. But there'd be no limit on the premiums or the deductibles or any of the terms and conditions."

Gov. Goofus can barely defend his program because he hasn't even read it.

Goofus: "I cannot let this go by -- the old-style Washington politics of 'We're going to scare you in the voting booth.'"

Gov. Goofus makes rambling, incoherent statements.

Goofus: "We've done a long way working together to do so." And, "I would have my secretary of treasury be in touch with the financial centers, not only here, but at home."

Vice President Gallant makes loud, condescending, exasperated sighs.

Gallant: Sigh.

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By Jake Tapper

Jake Tapper is the senior White House correspondent for ABC News.

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