You're a married man in Zambia, but marriage isn't enough for a horndog like you. You need sex outside your marriage -- and lots of it. So you begin secretly consorting with the live-in domestic staff, who are in easy proximity. And if they tell anyone, you fire them. Sounds like a foolproof system, right?
Not if you're married to Lifuna Nyambe.
After eight years of being married to Patrick Sianyauka, her apparently insatiable husband, Nyambe found a novel way to stop his philandering. She began locking him inside their bedroom every night. If she left the door open, she reasoned, he'd just run off with one of the staff. And if her female friends came to visit, she'd send him to the bedroom and lock the door, where one assumes he sat on the bed and pouted.
This strange matter recently ended up in court. Sianyauka attempted to get the judge to understand his point of view: Since when does marrying a woman get you locked up in your own bedroom?
"I was not happy when she started locking the door to keep me in," complained Sianyauka. He also took issue with his wife's caging him up whenever her friends came over "so that I could not be tempted."
Telling the court her side of the story, Nyambe said that she in effect had to treat her husband as though he were a stupid mutt in heat, and lock him in the bedroom simply to preserve their marital vows.
According to the Zambian Post, Judge Alfred Shilibwa had more empathy for the husband than the wife, and granted Sianyauka a divorce. But the case does have a happy ending. Nyambe is now free to find another man who respects her, and Sianyauka is free to run mad through the streets, naked and erect, like a deranged Priapus.
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