While we’re waiting to find out who will be the next president of the United States, and the returns on other races are still coming in, it seems like a decent moment to target other — more conceptual — winners and losers from Tuesday night.
WINNER — Mary Matalin. After the networks called Florida for Al Gore, you threw a caution flag on CNN, pointing out the state’s more than half a million absentee ballots. Hours later, the state went back on the table.
LOSER — Gov. Jeb Bush. Regardless of how Florida eventually falls, you’re the brother who ends up looking like a shrub.
WINNER — Gore campaign spinners. You kept gloating to a minimum; no one’s going to look silly if Gore loses.
LOSER — Ralph Nader. Could-be spoiler and only a dismal 2 percent. You anger Democrats and disappoint supporters.
WINNER — Overseas military voters. After relentless attacks on your readiness, your absentee ballots could swing Florida. Finally, you get a little respect.
LOSER — Michigan Gov. John Engler. You didn’t deliver Michigan during the primaries, then you didn’t deliver it during the election. What are you good for except bluster?
WINNER — Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Ridge. You didn’t deliver your state for Bush, but boy, do you look like a good V.P. pick right about now.
LOSER — Pat Buchanan. And you are …?
WINNER — Jesse Ventura. You don’t look bad after a year and a half of these two yahoos.
LOSER — New York Republican Party. How on earth you managed to make Hillary seem sympathetic and noble is beyond me.
WINNER — Tennessee Republican Party. The Bushies were smart to listen to y’all.
LOSER — Voter News Service. Nice call on Florida, Gomer.
