Five reasons I believe in God:
1. Once got overpaid by pawnbroker — enough for extra week at cheap hotel.
2. Makes prayer slightly less ridiculous.
3. What if he exists and he’s a sonofabitch?
4. Drinking problem (higher power thing).
5. It’s a cool secret, like wearing no underwear.
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Five reasons I don’t believe in God:
1. Prayed daily for X-ray vision; still can’t see through dresses.
2. Any true, loving God would destroy Radio Shack.
3. Stiffed repeatedly by his advance people for one-on-one interview; had to settle for phoner from airport.
4. Those collars; those robes; that music.
5. Baptists.
