Even Jesus knew hookers

A lawyer invokes the name of the Lord to aid his client, but fails to win his case.


Jack Boulware
November 22, 2000 1:30AM (UTC)

Frederick Spikes was up against the wall. The Ohio man was already on probation for improper behavior involving a minor. And last week he found himself back in court, accused of breaking his probation by associating with prostitutes. Having little recourse, Spikes' defense attorney pleaded with the court to consider the fact that Jesus Christ also spent time among hookers. The unamused judge ignored the biblical precedent and sentenced the man to jail, according to the Ashtabula Star Beacon.

Spikes was originally convicted in January 1999 on a charge of attempting to corrupt a 14-year-old girl. He was then arrested for allegedly associating with local prostitutes, and Ashtabula, Ohio, prosecutors eagerly pounced on the fact that this violated conditions of his probation.

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Joseph Humpolick, Spikes' attorney, took the case before Judge Gary Yost. In the courtroom, Humpolick stood up in front of everyone and proceeded to explain, "Even Jesus hung around with prostitutes."

The comment hung in the air a moment, after which prosecutor Teri Burnside answered, "But Jesus wasn't on probation."

Yost agreed with prosecutors, and immediately sentenced Spikes to 11 months in jail.

After the strange proceedings, Humpolick was asked by reporters why on earth he would invoke such a silly line of defense. A true lawyer to the end, Humpolick answered, "I've got to try something to help my clients."


Jack Boulware

Jack Boulware is a writer in San Francisco and author of "San Francisco Bizarro" and "Sex American Style."

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