Michael Douglas closes testicle chapter

Zeta-Jones' hubbie settles near-neutering case; Sandra Bullock straddles Benjamin Bratt's noggin. Plus: Elliott Gould and Cher must talk!

Published December 22, 2000 5:54PM (EST)

Looks like Michael Douglas will head into the holidays with a clear conscience. Or, at the very least, he won't have the ghost of some other guy's ruptured testicle weighing him down.

The newly married actor has apparently settled the case brought against him by caddie James Parker, who claimed that Douglas and his buddy Mark Dratch bogeyed him in the left ball during a golf game at the Elmwood Country Club in White Plains, N.Y., back in 1997.

According to documents unearthed by the Smoking Gun, District Judge William H. Pauley III directed that the case be closed on Nov. 10, just eight days before Douglas walked down the aisle to wed Catherine Zeta-Jones.

The terms of the settlement were not disclosed, although if Douglas, who, it seems, neglected to yell "Fore!" upon taking the fateful swing, agreed to fork over anything near the $155 million Parker was claiming in damages, the one-balled caddy could have his remaining nut outfitted with a jewel-encrusted golden cup.

Makes that Douglas/Zeta-Jones prenup look like chump change.

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In other celebrity body-part news ...

Sandra Bullock may not have had a problem "straddling [Benjamin Bratt's] head" while filming "Miss Congeniality," but getting felt up by Michael Caine was quite another matter.

Upon discovering that the script called for a bit of beneath-the-blouse business, "I was like, 'Oh my God, Michael Caine is going to be touching my boobs!'" the actress tells TV Guide Online. "It was like, 'How [can] you be calm about that?'"

Caine, for his part, carried out the requisite fondling like an old pro. "To him, it was like [being] a doctor," Bullock says. "He was like, 'OK ... no sweat.' It didn't matter. Maybe he didn't find anything."

Bullock suspects her congenial behavior had slightly more impact on head-straddled Bratt, serving as a sort of fluffer for his girlfriend Julia Roberts.

"I kinda got him all lubed up during the week," boasts Bullock, "and then he'd leave on the weekend and go see her."

Did she check his fluids too?

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"It's such a freakout when a chick tells you, 'I have your picture on my ceiling, so when I go to sleep I see you and 'N Sync.' And I'm like, 'Really? First of all, never say our names together again, unless you're saying, "Hey, I heard Seth Green got into a fight with ..."'"

-- Actor Seth Green ("Scott Evil") on how he'd like the teenage girls who worship him to just zip it, in Maxim.

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Should Elliott share with Cher?

Do Cher and Elliott Gould need to meet for coffee and a good heart-to-heart?

Gould's son Jason seems to think so -- just to work through some of their issues about having a gay child.

Jason admits that his mom, Barbra Streisand, was way more cool with his coming out than his dad was.

"I think she probably already knew," he tells the Advocate. "My father, however, did not suspect. It was much more difficult for him. I think he thought it was a phase and that I would grow out of it."

His dad's power of denial may be matched only by that of Cher, who apparently had no idea that her daughter Chastity was a lesbian until Chastity herself broke the news.

"I can't imagine that Cher didn't know!" young Gould exclaims. "To me, that is ridiculous. I've known Chastity since she was young, and this girl was a total tomboy. I just assumed she was gay from when she was 5. I can't imagine Cher could be in that kind of denial. But I guess she should talk to my dad."

Who knows? Maybe they'll hit it off.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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