Memo to Britney Spears: Your hometown minister is worried you might burn in hell.
David Kelly, pastor of the First Baptist Church in Kentwood, La., tells the U.K.'s Heat magazine that it's not only the self-proclaimed virgin's sexy videos that have him concerned for her mortal soul, but also her rumored smoking and drinking.
"Smoking and drinking isn't what Christ wanted," Kelly, whose services Spears is said to still attend when she's off-tour and hanging at home. "It is disobedient. If Britney does things which are not in accordance with the scriptures, God will chastise her."
Oops!
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He bangs?
"I'm not supposed to talk about this, but on a scale of 1 to 10, I'll give him a 20. He's all man."
-- Ines Misan, the Latvian model who may or may not be dating admitted bonbon shaker Ricky Martin, on the singer's performance in the boudoir, in the New York Post.
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Party of two
Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't get why everyone's always staring at her chest.
"People are constantly asking me who my doctor is and referring to my chest," Hewitt, who swears her prize attributes are "silicone free," tells USA Today.
"I don't understand what everyone's obsession with boobs is about," she says. "Every other person in the world has a pair."
Whoa ...
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Can Jennifer Love Hewitt give him a referral?
"I don't know. I think I should see a doctor."
-- Keith Richards on what inspired him to hang key chains and a pocket knife from his hair at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony Monday night.
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Juicy bits
Teleskinnies? Responding to recent criticism that the Teletubbies' beefy bods encourage flabbiness in kids, Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La and Po are sponsoring a national exercise day in nursery schools across the U.S. They're also planning to release their own exercise video for preschoolers. called "The Teletubbies Go!" which will teach kids to jump, stretch, march and stand on one leg. Maybe it should teach them to turn off the TV.
Get him to the church on time: Looks like Matthew Perry will make it out of rehab and back to the "Friends" set this week, just in time for the season finale featuring Chandler and Monica's wedding, Entertainment Tonight reports. Guess he'll have to miss the bachelor party, though.
Burgled Spice: Geri Halliwell, the artist formerly known as Ginger Spice, has reportedly moved into a hotel after her London apartment was broken into over the weekend. Not only did the pesky perps ransack the place and swipe the singer's computer and a necklace that once belonged to Elizabeth Taylor, the BBC reports, they also splattered milk around the Notting Hill pad and scrawled obscene messages on the walls. Yes, more obscene than her costumes.
Whitney Houston, Bond girl? The U.K. Sun reports that the drug-rumor-dogged diva is in early negotiations to star alongside Pierce Brosnan in the next Bond flick. "The movie bosses think Whitney would make a fantastic Bond girl and are desperately working out a deal which will be acceptable," an unnamed source told the tabloid. "She has all the glamour, talent and star power to make a huge impact." Working title: "Licensed to Kill a Script."
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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.
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