Manhattan in wartime

Donna and Rudy battle over Judi and we read all about it.

By Jennifer Foote Sweeney

Published May 25, 2001 10:00PM (EDT)

Mayor Moves to Oust Wife From Duties as Hostess

At a news conference yesterday, Mr. Giuliani sidestepped a question about whether the city would continue to pay for Ms. Hanover's Office of First Lady.

-- New York Times, New York Digest, May 25, 2001

Donna Hanover Petitions City Council for Office Space, Staff and Scepter in her New Role as Estranged Wife of New York

The defiant divorcée-to-be wears a signature "clingy blouse" to dedicate Yonkers day spa in her first official outing. Her stationery carries the new slogan: "Hostess with the Mostess."

--New York Times, Digest, June 15, 2001

Mayor Designates Estranged Wife a Ferret, Seeks to Have Her Banned From Gracie Mansion as Health Hazard

Rudolph Giuliani announced that Donna Hanover is not a stuck pig but a small-eyed weasel whose presence in the official mayoral residence violates the law. Says Giuliani, "She tried to bite me."

--New York Times, Digest, July 23, 2001

Estranged Wife Moves Mayor to Mansion Broom Closet, Hides His Testosterone Prescription

Giuliani's bed is now a too-short tatami mat; his garret's sole decoration is portrait of Christ in a thong painted with pigeon droppings.

--New York Times, Digest, September 2, 2001

Donna Hanover Arrested for Jaywalking, Littering and Profanity in Sting One Block from Gracie Mansion

Incited by the appearance of her estranged husband's "good friend," Judith Nathan, sticking out her tongue beneath a powder room window, Hanover ran down the middle of street, pelted Ms. Nathan with a copy of a restraining order while shouting lines from "The Vagina Monologues." Nathan was wired. Police took Hanover downtown for a strip search.

--New York Times, Digest, October 4, 2001

Mayor Holds Press Conference to Update Status of Sex Life, Decency Panel Brings Charges

Giuliani invited reporters to watch a recent home video of him and his "good friend," Judith Nathan, in a promised progress report on their sexual relations. The 4-minute film, which the mayor described as "Pamela and Tommy on a second honeymoon," was immediately confiscated by the city's decency panel and its members are exploring the legal possibilities of exiling a sitting mayor.

--New York Times, Digest, November 10, 2001

Court Rules that Children of Giuliani and Hanover be Barred From Seeing Their Parents

Shortly after a decision by the United Nations to grant prisoner-of-war status to the Giuliani children under the Geneva Convention, a judge says that the mayor and his estranged wife should one day be a part of their children's lives, but for now must keep their distance. Giuliani, whose term expires in less than three weeks, will move in with new guy pal Howard Stern; Hanover will live in the Gracie gazebo.

--New York Times, Digest, December 12, 2001

Former Mayor Signs Lucrative Contract, Leaves Dole Jobless

Pharmaceutical sources report that Rudolph Giuliani will force former Vice President Bob Dole into retirement as Viagra spokesman in a bid to grab the limelight from his ex, Donna Hanover, who is enjoying phenomenal success as a Worldwide Wrestling Federation star known as "Big Nurse." Both are said to be seeking high-profile solace after their children entered a federal witness protection program late last year. Meanwhile, Giuliani's "good friend" Judith Nathan has established a new "friendship" with the married chief of the Port Authority, who is rumored to be suffering from leprosy and the deliberate inattention of his wife.

--New York Times, Digest, June 17, 2002

Jennifer Foote Sweeney

Jennifer Foote Sweeney, CMT, formerly a Salon editor, is a massage therapist in northern California, practicing on staff at the Institutes for Health and Healing in San Francisco and Larkspur, and on the campuses of the Alta Bates Summit Medical Center in Berkeley.

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Divorce Rudy Giuliani Satire The New York Times