Schwimming upstream

"Friends" star wants to quit, teach public school; Garofalo discovers slenderizing secret; Jack Black admits lameness; Peter Frampton wants to rock against terrorism!

Published November 28, 2001 5:45PM (EST)

You'd think being a rich and famous actor would be enough for David Schwimmer. But no. The "Friends" star wants more. He wants to be ... a teacher. A public school teacher.

In fact, Schwimmer says, he's itching to get out the ruler and the chalk so bad, he really wouldn't be at all sad to say so long to his multimillion-dollar TV contract when it comes up for renewal in April. (So much for "Friends" forever.)

"No one wants to call it quits, but I feel like there is so much other stuff I want to do -- theatre and film and developing other television as well -- that I'm ready for it to be over," the actor tells the London Observer.

What's more, he says, "I think we can really use more -- and better -- teachers in this country. I would like to teach in public [state] school. I think I have a lot to offer in that area."

Uh-oh. Sounds like Schwimmer's got a case of celebritus humanititis, that new Hollywood disease compelling the afflicted to eschew wealth and fame for the sake of humanity.

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Superlative adjustment

"Never for a second did I think of myself as the sexiest guy in the world. When I was a kid, I thought I was the strongest man in the world. Then, the fastest runner and then the smartest person in the world. One by one my delusions got shut down. Now I just see myself as the lamest guy in the world."

-- Jack Black on coming to terms with his limitations, in the Calgary Sun.

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Janeane's magic glasses

It appears that Schwimmer's not the only one who's branching out beyond acting these days. Janeane Garofalo says she's thinking of starting her own line of slenderizing eyewear.

The idea started when she quit smoking a few months ago, see.

"I've really packed on a lot of the weight I tortured myself a few years ago to lose, which disturbs me unbelievably," the actress/comedienne told New York gossip Baird Jones at the premiere party for the mockumentary "The Independent," in which she stars.

Garofalo gripes that, since she's only 5-foot-1, the 18 pounds she's put on are "like 50 pounds" for the average person.

"So I have been going through all these magical efforts to hide my weight gain and I have settled on dark wing-tipped glasses, which I'm wearing all the time now," she explains.

Ever the optimist, Garofalo insists these glasses make her face look only half full. "My theory is that they direct the attention out away from the sides of my face so that I look a bit thinner," she says. "I am going to start my own line of wing-tipped glasses, a cottage industry. I'll sell them for under 20 dollars, with a black front, with lime green sides, and all profits will go to a charity for fat girls. I've experimented and the dark ones are most effective at making my face look the most narrow. Something's got to work."

Hello, Weight Watchers?

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Manhandled by muggles

"I feel like a voodoo doll. It's grim. It's gross."

-- Emma Watson, who plays Hermione in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," on the dolls and action figures that have been created in her image.

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Frampton's still alive!

And while we're on the subject of celebrities reinventing themselves, check this: Peter Frampton is ready to complete his transformation from super-hairy '70s Brit rock icon to gently balding U.S. citizen.

Blame the terrorist attacks.

"Because of what's happened, everyone feels a little more American since Sept. 11," Frampton, now 51 and a resident of suburban Cincinnati, told the Associated Press. "I've got the forms to start the process to become an American citizen. I will become one as soon as I can."

But wait, that's not all. Frampton would also like to lend his fellow Americans a helping hand by staging a concert benefiting victims of the terrorist attacks.

"I know we won't raise as much money as some of those other concerts," Frampton admitted. "That's not the idea. It's just to get together as many people who have ties in Cincinnati and want to come and help."

Oh, baby, you love his way ...

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Time is on their side

"The Stones would keep going even if they all died."

-- Mick Jagger on his band's stick-to-it-ive-ness, proving himself to be a man after Peter Frampton's own heart.

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Miss something? Read last Tuesday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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