Send in the clones!

New "Star Wars" proves 'N Sync isn't 'NDestructible; protesters want Britney and Beyonc

Published January 3, 2002 5:58PM (EST)

Maybe George Lucas should have called the upcoming "Star Wars" film "Attack the Clones," rather than "Attack of the Clones."

In it, Lucas is doing what the rest of us can only dream of: He's blowing 'NSync to bits.

According to the Australian Web site Undercover Online, at the behest of his 13-year-old daughter, Kate, a big 'NSync fan, the "Star Wars" mastermind has invited Justin, Lance, JC and the gang to make an appearance in the film. The boy banders will play Jedi Knights in a battle scene, but will be glimpsable only on the DVD release of the film and only for a split second -- before they're blown to high heaven by a pack of bloodthirsty droids.

Bloodthirsty droids with a low tolerance for schmaltzy pop music, apparently.

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Eating Beyonci

"Will has huge crushes on Salma Hayek, Scary Spice and Beyonci Knowles. For his birthday, I had a cake made with their images on it."

-- Jada Pinkett on how she doesn't mind at all if her husband, Will Smith, has his cake and eats it too, in the Calgary Sun.

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Bring on the bloodthirsty droids!

Speaking of using technology against schmaltzy pop stars, a group of Britney Spears and Beyonci Knowles bashers has posted an online petition decrying plans for the two singers to appear in the new Austin Powers film.

In an open letter to New Line Cinema/New Line Productions bigwigs, director Jay Roach and Mike Myers, the popster-pooh-poohing protesters request that Spears and Knowles be kept out of "Austin Powers: Goldmember" because their "controversial celebrity status and marginal acting talent" would make them "horrible additions" to the cast.

"We, the undersigned, state that we will not see 'Austin Powers: Goldmember' if Spears and/or Knowles are in it, nor will we buy any merchandise related to the movie, including the soundtrack CD, posters, the video/DVD release, etc.," the petitioners proclaim.

As of press time, the petition boasted 255 signatures, though, somewhat bafflingly, some of the signees included notes in support of the two singers. Nevertheless, the letter pleads, "please reconsider your offers to Spears and Knowles, and keep in mind the preferences of 'Austin Powers' fans before making any final casting decisions."

It's so important to have a cause worth fighting for.

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Stinky stocking stuffer

"When I was seven years old, I bought my older sister deodorant for Christmas. That was my first big lesson in what not to give a woman."

-- Hugh Jackman on the joy of giving the right thing and lessons learned the hard way.

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Penn talks trash

Sean Penn's New Year's resolutions apparently did not include being nicer to his fellow man and soft-peddling his opinions when speaking to the press.

Witness his interview in the upcoming issue of Talk magazine, in which he lumps Howard Stern and Bill O'Reilly in with Osama bin Laden.

"I think that people like the Howard Sterns, the Bill O'Reillys and to a lesser degree the bin Ladens of the world are making a horrible contribution [to society]," Penn tells the magazine.

"This is not a man sitting on the toilet with a smile on his face. He's a grumpy, self-loathing joke," Penn says of O'Reilly. "There's a long history of people who capitalize on the lowest common demominator of people's impulses, Adolf Hitler being one of them. Not everybody wants to hit the wall in a violent rage and break their knuckles, so [O'Reilly] does it for them. He'll get very rich and get his rocks off that he's powerful."

As for King of All Media Stern, Penn says, "He's just a guy making poo-poo jokes."

So, presumably, he is a man sitting on the toilet with a smile on his face.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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