By any means necessary

Ellen wants kids; Monica's tired of starring in dirty jokes; Dustin Hoffman praises Susan Sarandon's breasts. Plus: Garfield's coming to the big screen; Ozzy Osbourne, family man.

Published January 18, 2002 5:59PM (EST)

If Anne Heche can do it ...

Ellen DeGeneres says she wants to have "at least one child, if not more."

"I want to be a parent one day," DeGeneres tells her activist mother, Betty, in an interview posted on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation's Web site. "I want to do that."

As for the particulars, the out comedian admits she has yet to figure out "the best way to do that."

Or the next best way.

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Jokes that really Lewinsky

"There's a difference between a pleasant joke and a personal joke. The ones that take my last name and equate them to [a sex act] that a lot of people in the world do is a really cruel thing to do."

-- Monica Lewinsky on how it sucks to be the butt of racy jokes, in the New York Post.

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She said, he said

Penelope Cruz may have toppled for Tom Cruise the moment she laid eyes on him on the "Vanilla Sky" set, but he didn't feel that ting in the ding when he first met her.

"We were just colleagues who got on very well together," Cruise recalled in an interview with the German magazine TV Movie.

Now, however, he finds her "irresistible."

"Life is unbelievably fun with her," he gushes. "I often think that it was fate that brought us together."


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Dustin's breast friend

"Susan is a magnificent-looking woman. She loves her t---, and she should! She loves her body and it's catching. She's a sensual being and she will be for the rest of her life."

-- Dustin Hoffman on Susan Sarandon in More magazine.

She's back

Look out, here comes another Mariah Carey movie.

"Wise Girls," which just debuted at Sundance, may be coming soon to a theater near you. And Carey says if you don't like the movie, a mafia thing in which she stars with Mira Sorvino, you can lump it.

"If I was gun-shy I'd be home hiding under the covers," she tells People magazine. "I'm a fighter. I have been since I was a kid."

Yes, that's what Mira said.

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Juicy bits

One person's old cartoon is another person's movie premise: Garfield's going Hollywood. According to the Hollywood Reporter, 20th Century Fox is planning to bring comic-page denizens Garfield and Odie to the big screen in a heartwarming story of interspecies sibling rivalry. Joel Cohen and Alec Sokolow, the fellas behind "Toy Story," will write the script of the film, which will mix live action and computer animation. Purrrr-fect.

One person's goth rocker is another person's TV dad: Ozzy Osbourne's turning sitcom star. Or "situation reality show" star in MTV lingo. The bat biter and his family -- wife, Sharon, and two teenage kids, Kelly and Jack -- are the subject of "The Osbournes," a new weekly show debuting on MTV in March. Like latter-day Louds (call them the really louds), the Osbournes allowed MTV's cameras to follow them 24/7 for six months. "There is good, bad and ugly in this film," Osbourne recently mused in a press conference. "That's reality, and I didn't want to tidy up this stuff for this show." He's always been a man of principle.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

MORE FROM Amy Reiter

Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Celebrity Susan Sarandon Tom Cruise