Reality TV bites

Anna Nicole admits to "little talent"; Schwimmer gets shy; Sharon Osbourne comes home; and Van Halen and Bertinelli take it one day at a time in Splitsville.

By Amy Reiter
Published July 11, 2002 4:30PM (EDT)

Anna Nicole Smith seems to be a little unclear on the reality TV concept.

Despite the fact that her new show on E!, "The Anna Nicole Smith Show," purports to show her as she truly is -- devoid of pretense -- she's convinced it will prove to the world that she's actually a great actress.

"People will see me and see that I have a little talent and start taking me seriously as an actress," Smith told reporters this week, according to the New York Post.

As for what -- besides little talent -- makes her a candidate for her own reality TV show, Smith declares, "My life is funny. There are things that happen to me all the time, and it just is funny."

Can the E! TV staffer in charge of coaching celebrities for interviews please take a little extra time with this poor dear?

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Paging Oliver Stone

"I was called a freak, a homosexual, a child molester. That I bleach my skin ... It was a complete conspiracy."

-- Michael Jackson, at a rally held this week in his honor at the Rev. Al Sharpton's Harlem headquarters, blaming the media -- among others -- for his wacko rep.

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Not among friends

David Schwimmer likes to watch ... but only when there's no one around to hear him squeal.

"I watch [myself on TV] only if I'm alone," the "Friends" star confesses in the upcoming issue of Details. "Imagine saying to someone, 'Aw, dude, this is Episode 32 when I ...' you know?"

But he figures his current embarrassment will only deepen and darken as the years go by.

"It weirds me out when I catch 'All in the Family' or 'Taxi' and think, 'Oh my God, my kids in 20 years are gonna go, 'Dad, look at you!'"

And he can say, "Only if I'm alone."

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Juicy bits

If you're wondering why Elizabeth Hurley's baby has more godfathers (Elton John, Hugh Grant and Denis Leary, just to name three) than he has digits, his mother is prepared to explain: "I want him to have lots of boys around, otherwise it's like being in a harem smothered by big bosoms and wafting scents," Hurley told the press. "He needs someone to dangle him upside down by his ankles, which isn't going to be me." Probably not gonna be Elton or Hugh, either, come to think of it.

Breathe easy, Osbourne fans. Sharon Osbourne's gonna be OK. MTV's most famous mother is recovering after undergoing surgery for colon cancer and has been released from the hospital. And her spokeswoman has assured the public that Mrs. Osbourne is "in good spirits and doing well," the Associated Press reports. Ozzy was, of course, at her side throughout her ordeal, though now he's headed back out on tour. A Prince of Fucking Darkness' work is never done ...

Lance Bass may be getting closer to blasting off into space on a Russian rocket, but he's not the only 'N Syncer with outside 'Nterests. His band mate Joey Fatone has just landed a lead role in "Rent" on Broadway. He'll step into the role of Mark Cohen on Aug. 5 and wrap up his run on Dec. 22. "It's just a cutting edge kind of thing," he told the New York Times. Who has the heart to tell him it was cutting edge, like, five years ago?

Married: "Survivor: The Australian Outback" cutie Elisabeth Filarski to Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Tim Hasselbeck. Splitting: Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli, after an impressive 21 years of marriage. Guess they finally got sick of taking it one day at a time.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Amy Reiter

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