"It takes a nail to drive out a nail."
-- Salvadoran proverb
When you have loved and lost, you are fucked. You don't want to begin a new relationship because how could you possibly love another? You don't want a fling because in the shadow of real love, what would be the point? You don't want to be alone because it hurts too much. You can't be with the one you lost because he or she is either dead or sleeping with someone else. With no real options left, you balm your pain with fantasy and memory. You lie alone in bed, haunted by the tingle of phantom limbs. When the rebound relationship comes along, you may be sleeping with someone new -- but you're making love to the ghost of the one you lost.
Finally, you must face the truth. The only way to cast out your ghost is to fall hard for someone new -- someone who might hurt you even more deeply. In this way, you heal your broken heart, preparing it to again be broken.
I must find someone who can hurt me more deeply.
Reprinted with permission from "Daily Afflictions" by Andrew Boyd, published by W.W. Norton. To order a copy, click here