Britney: Read it and weep

Spears pens, like, a special book for her fans; Gloved One's hand out; "John Doe" kicks butt. Plus: The spy who ran scared.

By Amy Reiter

Published September 20, 2002 4:14PM (EDT)

Looking for some quality reading now that the weather is starting to cool? Britney Spears and Michael Jackson are ready to help out.

Spears has just announced on her Web site that, as a special present for fans on her 21st birthday Dec. 2, she's planning to release a special book revealing herself "in private moments with her family and friends," whatever that means. The book, "Stages," will also come with a DVD, chronicling the singer's controversial, boo-laden trip to Mexico this year.

"I wanted to share with my fans all the things that they never get to see that make it all so special for me," Spears declares. "It's my way of saying thank you."

No, no, Britney, thank you.

And thanks may also be in order for Michael Jackson, who's reportedly looking into penning yet another autobiography. (His first, "Moonwalker," was released in 1988.)

According to the New York Post, the noseless pop star has been sniffing around the publishing industry, trying to drum up interest in this next installment of his memoir. At this point, the paper reports, there doesn't appear to be all that much interest.

Then again, never say neverland.

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Dating advice from Gwyneth

"If a man has fantastic shoes he's either gay or married -- so don't touch. It's really that simple."

-- Gwyneth Paltrow on the wisdom of steering clear of a well-shod man, in the German magazine Gala.

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A tale of two asses

All booties are not alike. Just ask "John Doe" star Dominic Purcell, who would like to clarify a few things about whose tail is whose in his show's premiere episode.

The ass in the scene in which his character falls off a cliff? Not his.

"I have to give the stunt guy credit for that," Purcell tells TV Guide Online. "That's not my ass. I wish it was. No, I wanted to do [the fall], but they wouldn't let me do it for insurance reasons. It's a stunt ass!"

But that tight end in the opening shot? That can's all his.

"In the first scene, I'm naked there. That's me lying down. That's me," he says. "You will see my ass!"

Glad that's all cleared up.

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Juicy bits

We won't see the next Harry Potter book for some time yet, but everyone's favorite wizard is enjoying a brand-new triumph, nonetheless. A U.S. federal court has tossed out writer Nancy Stouffer's claim that Potter author J.K. Rowling swiped words like "muggle" from her work. What's more, the judge ordered Stouffer to cough up $50,000 in damages, claiming she lied and falsified evidence in connection with her claim. At least she was easier to defeat than Voldemort.

Bond, scaredy spy? The London Daily Mail reports that seemingly tough Sean Connery is considering getting laser surgery to correct his nearsightedness. But then again, he might not go ahead with it. "He's thinking about it," a source told the tabloid, "but he's a bit scared." International evildoers are one thing ...

My big fat network paycheck: Nia Vardalos is bringing her surprise hit film "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" to the small screen. According to Variety, CBS has ordered seven episodes of a half-hour sitcom based on the flick. Vardalos, who developed the film based on a one-woman show covering the same subject, will not only star in the TV show, she'll also co-write and serve as an executive producer. How do you say ka-ching in Greek?

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Amy Reiter

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Britney Spears Celebrity Michael Jackson