Blizzard of Oz

Jack Osbourne rips rival reality shows; Jacko yearns to shop like a normal person. Plus: Choking Halle gets squeezed by her Bond.

By Amy Reiter
Published December 2, 2002 10:21PM (EST)

As much disdain as the Osbourne kids have for the few moments in their reality TV show they say were staged -- the family meeting scene, the bit with the dog therapist ... which Kelly says was just "retarded" -- Jack Osbourne has even harsher words for other people's reality TV shows.

The whole copycat thing kinda rubs him the wrong way.

"I don't blame them for doing it," he tells the Toronto Sun, "but, then again, I think they all f---in' suck."

He finds the "The Anna Nicole Smith Show" to be mesmerizingly awful. "She is a plane crash you have to watch," he says.

And he's not at all sad that Liza Minnelli and David Gest's show never got off the ground. He's not particularly fond of Liza's new groom.

"He's a f---in' psycho," Jack spurts. "You know his deal, right? He was the biggest Judy Garland memorabilia collector. And then he gets the daughter. He gets the biggest prize out of the lot."

Out of the dirty mouths of babes.

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Wrestling with the system

"It's kinda been a drag."

-- Stone Cold Steve Austin on the legal proceedings following his arrest last June for hitting his wife and allegedly leaving "a large, noticeable welt" below her right eye and bruises on her back, hands and legs, to the Associated Press.

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A nose for a bargain?

While you're at the mall getting your holiday shopping done, spare a thought for Michael Jackson. He'd like nothing better than to be there, conspicuously consuming right by your side.

All he wants to do, he says, is get a little shopping done from time to time.

"I can't remember the last time I was in a supermarket," the flagrant baby dangler whines to Germany's Bunte magazine.

"It's just unbelievable. No matter where I am I'm always being followed," Jackson says. "I need that experience where I can just walk into a store as a completely normal person doing some shopping."

Completely normal person ... now there are three words I never imagined using in the same sentence as Michael Jackson.

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She must be choking!

Did Halle Berry have her life saved by Bond, James Bond?

It seems so. Berry says she got some sort of Heimlich-y thing from a scantily clad Pierce Brosnan while shooting a steamy love scene in "Die Another Day."

"I was trying to be way too sexy for my own good, obviously," Berry told the UPI, "and something got stuck in my throat. I wasn't getting any air in or out and Pierce said that he always knew that if someone wasn't coughing they were really choking. And he just right away jumped up in back of me, did something, and out the thing came."

Heimlich maneuver as foreplay? That's a new one.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

Amy Reiter

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Celebrity Michael Jackson