The bad and the unbeautiful

Anna Nicole, fashion boob? Say it ain't so! Gwyneth plays it Cold; Nicole longs to be lured. Plus: Hugh Grant disses ex-Spice Girl.

Published January 8, 2003 5:39PM (EST)

Anna Nicole Smith's fashion sense, a big bust?

That's what self-appointed fashion arbiter Mr. Blackwell has apparently concluded. He's just dubbed the merry widow the worst-dressed woman of 2002.

"Don't bother with a new designer, Anna," he quips on his annual list o' nastiness. "Just hire a structural engineer!"

Titter, titter ...

Blackwell also dismisses Kelly Osbourne, No. 2 on his list, as "a fright-wigged baby doll, stuck in a goth prom gown," adding, "now we know what happened to Ozzy's hand-me-downs!"

Other unfortunates on Blackwell's list include Shakira ("somebody should tell her those are probably Madonna's old clothes!"), Cameron Diaz ("looks like she was dressed by a color-blind circus clown"), Princess Anne ("dreary, drab and dour"), Anne Rice ("a cross between Queen Victoria and the Vampire Lestat"), Donatella Versace ("resembles a flash-fried Venus stuck in a Miami strip mall"), Meg Ryan ("a swap-meet fashion queen in Beverly Hills"), Christina Aguilera ("her barely-there bimbo bombs wouldn't cover a gnat") and Pink ("I'm seeing red").

Nice to know Mr. Blackwell's recent health problems haven't left him sick and bitter, eh?

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Yes to Oscar, no to altar?

Gwyneth Paltrow may not have made Mr. Blackwell's list this year, despite that floppy-chested, black-eyed getup of hers at last year's Oscars, but she may be ready to give it the old college try again at this year's Academy Awards.

And if she hasn't got her outfit picked out yet, word is the actress has at least chosen a date: Coldplay frontman and current beau Chris Martin.

"It's not the sort of thing that Chris would usually go to," a friend of Martin's tells the World Entertainment News Network. "He normally shuns the limelight but he is seriously considering going just to be with Gwyneth."

Awww. But don't take that as, like, a total commitment or anything. Gwyneth says she's playing her romance much more slowly than, say, her recently engaged ex Ben Affleck.

"Marriage isn't something that should be taken lightly," she recently told the press. "I don't want to be married for six months and then say 'Oh well, never mind. On to No. 2.'"

Take that, J.Lo.

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Acting out

"I get the 'Mother, don't be so overdramatic,' when I'm trying to discipline them."

-- Meryl Streep on the hazards of being an actress and a mom, in the Calgary Sun.

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Juicy bits

Despite her recent proclamations about being ready for romance, Nicole Kidman is actually feeling more inclined to take things slowly in the love department these days. "It's not about having trouble finding a date. There's just a part of me that doesn't want to rush anything," she tells E! Online. "I suppose I'm a bit gun-shy. Yeah, that's what it is, a bit gun-shy. I have to be coaxed." Here, kitty, kitty ...

If Mr. Blackwell were giving out awards for the nastiest director, Britain's David Green might warrant special mention. Responding to reports that "Therapy," his romantic comedy that was to have starred Geri Halliwell, was having trouble making it to the screen, Green pointed the finger of blame straight at the former Spice Girl. After Hugh Grant, Kenneth Branagh and various others turned down the male lead, Green told the U.K. Mirror, "one can only conclude that maybe they didn't want to work with a pop star attempting an acting career." Very gallant.

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Miss something? Read yesterday's Nothing Personal.

By Amy Reiter

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