The Fix

"South Park" dudes to fight terrorism and celebrities, Bruce Springsteen history to be destroyed, and Reese doesn't go to Washington. Plus: Watch out -- Robbie Williams wants a wife!

By Salon Staff

Published July 1, 2003 3:07PM (EDT)

"South Park" creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone are at it again. They are reportedly working on "a marionette movie about superheroes on a mission to eradicate such things as terrorism and certain celebrities who have worn out their welcome in the public eye." They say there is no title yet for the project, but perhaps it can be called "Osama and Madonna." (

You gotta watch 'em every minute. Domenic Santana, who bought the Stone Pony (the Jersey Shore club were Bruce Springsteen played some of his first shows) four years ago and promised fans he wouldn't let it be destroyed, is a traitor to rock history. Word is that he has sold the place to developers who plan to demolish the Pony and use the name for another club. Santana was quoted as saying, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Is a dream a lie if it don't come true, or is it something worse? (N.Y. Daily News)

In other rock star news, Brit pop icon Robbie Williams, who was never elevated to god status in the U.S. as he was in the U.K., has announced to the media that he has begun his mate selection process. Admitting that he experienced years of casual sex after moving to Los Angeles from England, Robbie says that "with soulless sex comes self hatred." So now he wants to have a wife and kids and has already done some of the work -- he's picked a name for his first offspring: "The first one is going to be called Sunny, whether it's a boy or a girl." Guess that's what comes from living in L.A. a bit too long. (Ananova)

Poor Washingtonians, they didn't even get to be extras in the sequel "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde," which was supposed to be set in the nation's capital. Alas, the movie was shot in Illinois and Utah instead, with shots of exteriors in D.C. used to fake us out. But the D.C. Toys "R" Us is carrying a Reese Witherspoon-inspired Barbie doll for people who want to pretend she was there. (The Washingtonian)

--Karen Croft

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As the world mourns the loss of Buddy Hackett today, let's hope it mourns him a little more accurately than Hollywood has mourned the loss of Katharine Hepburn. A floral spray placed on Hepburn's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame -- and filmed by several TV stations -- carried a purple sash misspelling the late name as "Katherine" Hepburn. Commented one tourist, "That's sad." (Reuters)

The world can also start mourning for the marriage of Kerry Kennedy and Andrew Cuomo. Associates of the political power couple say they're seeking a divorce. Friends are suggesting the Democratic duo, who married in 1990, stuck together as long as they did in the interest of Cuomo's ill-fated run for New York governor. The separation appears to be Kennedy's idea, and Cuomo's lawyer is already spinning him as the victim, releasing the following rather odd statement to the press yesterday: "Mr. Cuomo was betrayed and saddened by his wife's conduct during their marriage. Despite that, for the sake of their three daughters, Mr. Cuomo has been trying to keep their marriage together for some time. But he will try to accommodate Ms. Kennedy Cuomo's decision to leave the marriage. In the interest of the privacy of the party's children and the family, Mr. Cuomo will make no further comment." (New York Times

Now that the world is done mourning for John F. Kennedy Jr. and Carolyn Bessette, it's apparently ready to peer into their personal lives. The August issue of Vanity Fair contains an excerpt from contributing editor Edward Klein's new book "The Kennedy Curse: Why Tragedy Has Haunted America's First Family for 150 Years." Among the revelations: Bessette was an angry, depressed cokehead who was nasty to her pedicurist on the day she died and JFK Jr. was a jealous mama's boy with ADD. (The Washington Post)

And what the hell, let's stick with the theme and keep mourning just a little longer, this time for the loss of Sean Connery's untouchable rep. Readers of the British film magazine Empire have voted the Scottish actor's Irish brogue in the 1987 film "The Untouchables" as the worst accent of all time, just edging out Dick Van Dyke's over-the-top cockney in 1964's "Mary Poppins" (Oh, Bert!) and Brad Pitt's whatever-it-was in "Seven Years in Tibet" (1997). Julia Roberts, Heather Graham, Meryl Streep and Keanu Reeves also made the list. (The Guardian)

Proof that if that guy from "Survivor" who couldn't cook rice can have his own cooking show anyone can: Dweezil Zappa and Lisa Loeb are working on a new show for the Food Network -- tentatively (and imaginatively) titled "The Dweezil and Lisa Show" and set to debut sometime next year -- on which they plan to address pressing kitchen issues like "how to clean a Cuisinart." (Wireless Flash)

My vote for best headline for a "Terminator 3: Rise of the Machine" review: "A Monotonic Cyborg Learns to Say 'Pantsuit.'" (New York Times) Hard to imagine anything better, but if you find something you think is, feel free to e-mail it to the Fix.

-- Amy Reiter

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