The Fix

Arnie looks like a dork, O.J. admits he inhaled, and Janeane Garofalo says Connie Chung drove her to start smoking again!

Published August 25, 2003 2:35PM (EDT)

Have there been any well-dressed politicians since the Kennedys? Hmm ... a good subject for a thesis might be why candidates have to look like dorks to get votes. Arnold Schwarzenegger used to dress like a guy who might have shopped in Paris occasionally, but now he looks like he's emulating a model in a Land's End catalog -- complete with boring ties and bad shoes. (N.Y. Post)

The trademarking of common words has gotten out of hand. First Fox News and Al Franken went at it over "Fair and Balanced" (luckily, the judge in that one used the term "wholly without merit"). But now a California-based magazine has won its suit contending it has the exclusive right to the word "entrepreneur." Small-business entrepreneur Scott Smith tried to change the name of his P.R. firm to EntrepreneurPR and got a suit slapped on him by Entrepreneur Media, which claimed that after five years of publishing Entrepreneur Magazine it had given the word "a secondary meaning, and that is to identify their magazine." How about a third meaning -- butthead. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

O.J. Simpson tells Playboy he didn't do it, but admits that if he hadn't had the high-priced team of lawyers he might not have been able to prove his innocence. He does admit to one thing in the piece: He smoked marijuana to get to sleep after his acquittal. He added, "My drug of choice now is Vioxx" -- saying he needs it for his arthritis. Whatever works, O.J. (Miami Herald)

Speaking of smoking, actress and pundit Janeane Garofalo said last week that she took up her old habit after being interviewed by Connie Chung: "The typical faux questioning made me so angry, I started smoking again. It was infantilizing." She also appeared as a guest on CNN's "Crossfire," with bow-tied conservative Tucker Carlson, quipping, "Tucker's madly in love with me. Like Mr. Darcy in 'Pride and Prejudice,' his aloofness is a cover for his ardent feelings." (Philadelphia Inquirer)

-- Karen Croft

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The suits at Fox News Channel have let the network's staffers know what they can do with their "He'll be back" and "Total Recall" jokes. "The urge may seem irresistible to play off Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting career," FNC senior vice president John Moody wrote in a memo to his staff. "Resist it. Otherwise the effect is often to belittle the candidacy of the front-runner for one of the most important offices in the U.S., and that's not fair and balanced. No more references to 'Conan,' 'Terminator,' and 'Kindergarten Cop' as shorthand for the candidate." (Matt Drudge)

New York Post gossip Cindy Adams apparently didn't get Moody's memo. Her column today is filled with hardy-har-har Schwarzeneggerisms. Among them: "At the last minute he tossed his biceps into the ring"; "A candidate who can understand the Republican platform -- in the original German"; "He says he'll clean house. Just what Hollywoodites need. A foreigner with a dust rag"; and "Allegations of affairs, steroids, bench-pressing a cocktail waitress? Forget governor, he should be running for president." Oy, Cindy, you're killin' us.

Also ... Dave Matthews will make acting debut in film "Because of Winn-Dixie" (Hollywood Reporter); Bob Newhart is set for recurring role on "ER" (N.Y. Daily News).

Best of the Rest
Page Six: Writer/director Paul Schrader ("Taxi Driver," "Raging Bull") dumped from helm of "The Exorcist IV: The Beginning" because, according to writer Caleb Carr, his cut did "not deliver the psychological fear we were looking for," but another source faulted the gore-free script; Star Jones said to be planning to get gastric bypass surgery documented by Barbara Walters; ICM loses Jet Li; Courtney Love gets it on with model Ekaterina Hlebanova in David LaChapelle photo shoot; Ben Stiller dog-poo-obsessed stinker "Envy" may go straight to video; New York Press claims Hillary Clinton's $8 million book advance caused 75 Simon & Schuster staffers to lose their jobs.

The 411/N.Y. Daily News: Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter outbids Lil' Kim at charity auction, invites her to game; Jann Wenner makes employees clean desks, gives music editor hard time for having CDs in her workspace; "Boy Meets Boy" contestant loses job in Navy for violating "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy; Roman Polanski judges entries in American film fest in France; Jennifer Lopez's mother says that when Ben Affleck's around "I don't have to pay for a thing!"; Moby endorses Sen. John Kerry for prez, says "He's the only one who can beat George Bush for President."

Jeannette Walls: Pink writes her fan Prince William an angry letter after hearing reports that he speared a teensy deer on safari: "I was happy to hear that I was your first choice to play at your 21st birthday bash -- then disgusted to learn that you hunt and kill animals for fun and that you purposely rammed a spear through a tiny deer in Africa. Why? Was it some kind of 'trying to prove you're a man' trip?"; Nicole Kidman does "pretty provocative strip tease" in "The Human Stain," spends a lot of time in bed with Anthony Hopkins; Don Johnson sues German finance minister for releasing information that he was found with huge sums of money in the back of his car; Lisa Marie Presley says duet with dead dad would "be just too weird."

-- Amy Reiter

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