The Fishmonger Returns

How could he have known that he had political enemies who would decide to go after his good name -- which, yes, just happens to be Saddam.

Published March 20, 2004 12:15AM (EST)

[For the beginning of this list, go to the last installment.]

2. This Person Is Out of Control and Could Be Crazy

For Longshanks, this tactic, also, was a little too easy to be all that much fun. By Longshanks' estimation, about 88 percent of the world's people could be considered, with some help from corroborating sources and relentless media scrutiny, completely nuts. And of course, once the word was out, the veil lifted, on that candidate -- that he or she was quick-tempered, or was not working with a complete set of tools -- almost anything they did, or didn't, do could be used as supporting evidence. A crazy person would try to act normal, would they not? Would not a crazy person appear completely sane, thus enabling them to come to a position of power in which they could influence world events and kill us all?

The rest of this story is no longer online, but does appear in the book "The Unforbidden Is Compulsory, or Optimism."

By Dave Eggers

Dave Eggers is the author of "You Shall Know Our Velocity" and "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius."

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