The Fix

Tatum O'Neal fingers Melanie Griffith and others; Michael Jackson may sue Eminem; and Roseanne says Dr. Phil "is Hitler reincarnated."

By Salon Staff
Published October 12, 2004 8:00PM (EDT)

Turn On:
On Tuesday night, you could take the high road and watch "Frontline: The Choice 2004" (PBS, check local listings), which surveys the lives of John Kerry and George W. Bush. Or you could take the middle road and watch "VH1 Hip Hop Honors" (9 p.m. ET), hosted by Mos Def and Vicica A. Fox. Or you could get low and watch "Manhunt: The Search for America's Most Gorgeous Male Model" (Bravo, 10 p.m. ET), in which regular, everyday men compete in a beauty contest. (See you on the low road.)

Morning Briefing:
Paper cuts: So just what does Tatum O'Neal reveal in her new autobiography, "A Paper Life"? Well, let's see ... She says Melanie Griffith took her to an opium-fueled orgy when she was just 12. She says that same year, then-17-year-old Michael Jackson (sweating profusely) kissed her, then jumped up nervously, said "Uh ... gotta go," and ran away. She says her dad, Ryan O'Neal, was so jealous when she won an Oscar for "Paper Moon" and he didn't, he punched her. She says her ex-husband, John McEnroe, and her mother, actress Joanna Moore, both beat her too. (McEnroe has denied it.) And she says Woody Allen hurt her feelings by criticizing her table manners. (N.Y. Daily News)

Jacko gets his backo up: Michael Jackson is mad as hell at Eminem and he's not going to take it anymore. The pop singer is demanding that television stations remove a video for Eminem's "Just Lose It" from their programming lineups because of its "disrespectful" portrayal of him. In the video, Eminem dresses up as Jackson and jumps around on a bed with a bunch of young kids, gets vomited on, and gets his hair lit on fire ... an inferno he puts out by sticking his head in a toilet. "The Jackson family feels the video is demeaning and disrespectful. Michael is very displeased and doesn't want it shown," a Jackson spokesperson commented. Another Jackson source said, "Michael is very upset and is going crazy over it. Don't be surprised if he sues over this." (

Roseanne rat-a-tat: Add Roseanne to the list of celebrities taking aim at Dr. Phil. And in typical Roseanne fashion, she's not holding back one little bit. "I want to go on record and say that I hate Dr. Phil and I would fight a grudge match with him if I were a wrestler," she says. "Dr. Phil is just a used car salesman with barnyard psychology ... He's a fat slob talking about how to lose weight. Who wants to hear that? . . . I just hate Dr. Phil and his wife! ... He's just so stupid and the cause of the dumbing down of America ... He's just a huckster used car salesman, scam artist ... I'd like to knock the [bleep] out of him! Dr. Phil is Hitler! I think he's Hitler reincarnated! When Dr. Phil and his wife had President Bush and his wife on their show, it was probably the scariest thing ever seen on television." (Steppin' Out magazine via Page Six)

Also: Mary-Kate Olsen made at least one of several preteen fans waiting patiently outside a restaurant to meet her weep bitter, betrayed tears by yelling "Get away from me" and running away from them with her coat over her head, according to a witness (Rush and Molloy) ...Rosie O'Donnell has decided not to publish "Celebrity Detox," a book about retiring from the spotlight and embracing domestic life instead, which she was scheduled to release this month, because she "doesn't want to do a book," according to her spokeswoman (Paul Colford's Hot Copy) ... Kimora Lee Simmons has been "crying hysterically" over the death of her cat, Max, who inspired the Baby Phat logo (Page Six)

Money Quote:
Jake Gyllenhaal on how to reach young voters: "Voter registration forms need to be places where young people are going to see them ... [Like on] pornography and cigarettes and condoms -- places where they can't miss them. Things young people actually buy." (Rush and Molloy)

-- Amy Reiter

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