The Fix

David Spade's penis schnozz? Queen Camilla? "Insider" host's attempted three-way?

By Salon Staff
Published March 22, 2005 12:09PM (EST)

Turn On:
Tuesday night, PBS' "Independent Lens" airs a documentary on politically outspoken oldsters Irja Lloyd and Lucille Alpert, "Sunset Story" (check local listings), and the Food Network offers to spice up your holiday with "Emeril's New Orleans Easter" (8 p.m. EST).

Morning Briefing:
Queen Camilla? Could happen. On Monday, the British government declared that Prince Charles' plans for Camilla to carry the title Her Royal Highness the Princess Consort when he becomes king may not be constitutional -- and that, by law, she'll have to be known as none other than the queen. In the meantime, however, once the couple marries on April 8, Camilla will be known as Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cornwall -- not, you may notice, Princess of Wales. (Associated Press)

Jackson trial update: Michael Jackson arrived late again yesterday, rumpled and pale, though not in pajamas. He did, however, arrive with a scrubs-clad doctor in tow, who explained his tardiness to the judge. Once there, he then had to leave the courtroom again (clutching tissues to his nose), possibly in tears of pain, possibly to be sick, depending on whose report you credit. Meanwhile, on the stand, a flight attendant who worked on several flights chartered by Jackson said she routinely served him white wine in Diet Coke cans and "hid little bottles of Tanqueray, tequila and vodka" for the singer, "usually in the lavatory." (Reuters, N.Y. Post, N.Y. Daily News)

Spade's penis schnozz? Some keen-eyed staffer at Broadcasting & Cable magazine -- who for some strange reason declined to take a byline for his scoop -- spotted a prosthetic male appendage on the nose of David Spade during a sketch in which he was made up to look like Owen Wilson on the March 12 edition of "Saturday Night Live." "His nose looked like a penis. Not 'kind of like a penis'; it looked like a urologically-correct appendage, right down to what we believe is called the dorsal vein," reports the magazine, which includes a blown-up image of the sniffer for readers to inspect. And in case you doubt their eyesight (or their sanity), they did get confirmation, albeit anonymous, from an "SNL" staffer: "A source at the show confirms that Spade was indeed fitted with a penile proboscis." (Broadcasting & Cable via Drudge)

Addicted to more than just alcohol? Speculation is mounting that "Insider" host Pat O'Brien's decision to enter rehab for alcoholism this week was timed to defuse the release of several voice-mail messages being attributed to him (though their provenance has not been confirmed) in which he allegedly solicits three-way sex with an unidentified woman. "Let's just [bleeping] have sex and fun and drugs and go crazy," says a male voice that may or may not be O'Brien, who is married and a father of one. "Get another woman up, hire a hooker, let's get crazy, get some coke and if you get this message, if you agree with this, just look at me and say yes." (Gatecrasher)

Also: Michele Zipp, the former editor of Playgirl who "outed" herself as a Republican a few weeks back and was just fired from her post, is blaming her firing on "liberal backlash." (Drudge) ... Amber Frey's lawyer, Gloria Allred, took care of Frey's 10 1/2-month-old son, Justin, on a flight from New York to Los Angeles, on which she sat in first class and Frey sat in coach. (Page Six) ... Rush Limbaugh and his ex-wife, Marta, are now officially divorced. (Page Six) ... Chelsea Clinton drank too much -- or, as her rep put it, "got a little giddy" -- celebrating two friends' birthdays the other night and had to be helped out of a New York club by a couple of bouncers, prompting Page Six to say she "partied like a Bush girl." (Page Six) ... On his show last night, David Letterman thanked a couple of FBI agents and county officials who helped thwart a kidnap plot against his toddler son, adding that he'd love to say more about it all, but can't. (N.Y. Post) ... WWE star Hulk Hogan is changing his name to Hollywood Hogan after Friday, when a licensing agreement with Marvel comics, which owns the right to "The Incredible Hulk" character and name as well as to the name "Hulk Hogan," expires. (N.Y. Post) ... Star Jones' husband, Al Reynolds, has left his post as a financial advisor at Merrill Lynch. (Gatecrasher) ... Sen. Hillary Clinton spoke at the funeral of Walter Cronkite's wife, Betsy, on Monday, recalling how the couple offered her family refuge on Martha's Vineyard during President Clinton's impeachment hearings. Also on hand: Dan Rather, despite Cronkite's having said not particularly flattering things about him to the press just a few weeks ago. (Gatecrasher) ... Chrissie Hynde has written a letter to Benetton complaining about the company's use of wool from Australia, where she says the sheep are treated "cruelly." (MSNBC's The Scoop) ... Martin Sheen is reportedly trying to help his son Charlie reconcile with Denise Richards, who recently filed for divorce from the younger Sheen. (In Touch Weekly via The Scoop) ... A tour of the British musical "Jerry Springer: The Opera" has been postponed after a Christian group began a campaign to keep theaters from booking the show, which it calls blasphemous. (N.Y. Times)

Money Quotes:
Mariah Carey on her ill-fated marriage to Tommy Mottola: "My relationship with my husband was not a physical relationship. It just wasn't. I still have nightmares about it." (America Magazine via Gatecrasher)

Jennifer Aniston on the title of her new movie, "The Breakup": "Well, you know, I just figured, seize the moment." ("Access Hollywood" via Reuters)

Amanda Peet on her "Melinda and Melinda" director, Woody Allen: "I've been obsessed with him for a long time and I wasn't let down. Yeah, he's very deep and articulate and so bloody funny. And apparently Woody still doesn't understand that he's sexy, even after dating some of the most beautiful women in the world. I like the way he dresses on set, in this army coat and army hat. He looks a bit like Castro." (The Independent)

-- Amy Reiter

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