The Fix

Rosie begs Kirstie's forgiveness. More Jackson accusers? Plus: Kimora Lee Simmons, sticky-fingered doughnut licker?


Salon Staff
March 28, 2005 5:21PM (UTC)

Turn On:
Monday night brings Cameron Diaz bonding with wildlife and camping out in her new eco-minded reality show, "Trippin'" (10:30 p.m. EST, MTV). And if that's not cheesy enough for you, there's the "Mrs. World 2005" pageant (9 p.m. EST, PAX TV), in which 41 married women compete to wear that special tiara. Or you could watch the first installment in the History Channel's four-part series "Conquest of America" at 9 p.m.

Morning Briefing:
Jackson update: So of course by now you know all about Michael Jackson's radio chat with Jesse Jackson -- how he compared his plight to that of Nelson Mandela, Muhammad Ali and Jack Johnson, how he declared himself "completely innocent" and spoke of "a lot of conspiracy out there," how he denied rumors that he was on the brink of bankruptcy. You've heard, too, his explanation of the fall that caused him to shuffle into court late and in pajamas, with an injury he now explains not as a back spasm, but as a bruised lung that has caused him to cough up blood: "I was coming out of the shower and I fell and all my body weight -- I'm pretty fragile -- all my body weight fell against my rib cage," the singer said. "And I bruised my lung very badly." And you've already digested his declaration that he's "never been a great eater or great admirer of food" and that Elizabeth Taylor, concerned about his weight, "used to feed me, to hand-feed me, at times." But what of speculation that, should the judge agree to allow prior child-molestation accusations to be heard in court, a matter he is expected to decide -- one way or the other -- today, a parade of accusers will come forward? Fox News gossip Roger Friedman thinks not. "Was there a kid who made a deal with Michael Jackson before his first accuser settled with the pop star for $20 million in 1993?" Friedman asks in his column. "Tape recordings left behind by a deceased National Enquirer reporter would suggest there was, but on closer inspection, it turns out there probably wasn't." (Associated Press, N.Y. Post, Fox News, Reuters)

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Dear Kirstie, Rosie's sorry: Rosie O'Donnell says she's apologized to Kirstie Alley for accusing her of lying about her weight. Rosie writes, somewhat cryptically, in her blog that she expressed her regret to Alley in a phone call: "the phone/kirstie w/ hurt feelings/i am sorry/4 that..... never been joan [Rivers, presumably] kickin people when they are down/too ez - not me/u r not the target." And if you think that blog entry's a headscratcher, be sure to check out the one in which the erstwhile Queen of Nice describes laughing so hard at a friend's antics that "I thought I would pee my pants. I squeezed my thighs as tightly as I could then shoved my hand between my legs as if -- to stop that tiny trickle of tinkle. Yes I am now officially at the age where I need a depends. Get me laughing and I am leaking." Thanks so much for that image, Rosie. (formerlyROSIE via The Scoop)

Not so phat: Tales of dastardly diva behavior from Kimora Lee Simmons when she was co-hosting the now-canceled show "Life & Style" with Jules Asnew are seeping out. Among the worst of them: that she tried to swipe everything from prop lamps used to an entire lunch-buffet rack of lamb from the set, that she threatened to beat up an eight-months-pregnant assistant and that she once ordered doughnuts delivered to the set and then proceeded to lick each one of them so that no one else would touch them. Yum. (Page Six)

Also: Kelly Osbourne, now reportedly traveling with an alcohol rehab counselor, is said to be working to put out a new pop album. (Page Six) ... Despite Donald Trump's fervent belief that no one but the late Cary Grant is suitable to play him in a movie about him, a little-known actor named Justin Louis will portray him in an upcoming ABC tele-flick about the Trump dynasty, "Ambition." (N.Y. Post) ... Daniel Day-Lewis got into character for his role in "The Ballad of Jack and Rose" by building the house in which his character lives and getting a real tattoo: The forearm combo of Pueblo tribal bands, dots and a star, which he designed himself, he said, "was Jack's, but I inherited it." (N.Y. Post) ... The marketing geniuses at McDonald's are offering big money to rappers who pay tribute to the Big Mac in song. (N.Y. Daily News) ... The Game missed two concert dates south of the border after he was turned back by Mexican border officials for refusing to let them inspect his bags. (Gatecrasher) ... Missy Elliott is denying rumors that she and "America's Next Top Model" winner Eva Pigford are "more than just friends." (Gatecrasher) ... A coroner's report has determined that Bush/Cheney Entertainment Task Force co-chairman R. Gregory Stevens, who died at Carrie Fisher's Beverly Hills home last month, OD'd on a fatal mix of cocaine and painkillers. (Gatecrasher) ... Dashing widespread reconciliation speculation, Jennifer Aniston has formally filed for divorce from Brad Pitt, requesting the restoration of her maiden name and that Pitt be denied spousal support. (Associated Press) ... Ashton Kutcher and Bernie Mac's "Guess Who" landed atop the box office over the weekend, taking in $21 million and besting Sandra Bullock's "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous," which made only $14.5 million. (USA Today)

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Money Quote:
Choice -- yet typical -- passage from a fake blog called "I'm Stuck in Rehab With Pat O'Brien":

"Friday, March 25, 2005

"This morning Pat O'Brien barged into my room and caught me dancing alone to my iPod.

"'What you listening to?' he asked.

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"'Irene Cara,' I told him.

"'Cool,' he said. 'I've banged her.'

"He stood at the doorway and waited for me to say something, but I was determined not to show any kind of reaction.

"'No, I didn't,' Pat O'Brien said. 'That was a lie.'

"Then he buried his face in his hands and cried."

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("I'm Stuck in Rehab With Pat O'Brien" via FishbowlNY)

-- Amy Reiter

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