The Fix

Stones to roll. Culkin to the rescue. Abdul's accuser to air "explicit" and "incriminating" evidence?


Salon Staff
May 11, 2005 9:07PM (UTC)

Turn On:
On Wednesday night, the WB brings you the season finale of "Jack and Bobby" (9 p.m. EDT), on which Tim Robbins, Gore Vidal and Norman Lear appear.

Morning Briefing:
They're so hot to tour and you're so cold: The Rolling Stones held a big media whoop-dee-doo outside New York's Juilliard School on Tuesday to announce their plans for a new world tour that will kick off in August in Boston. After playing a couple of songs, the band members took questions from the press, pooh-poohing speculation that this would be their final tour. "We never say this is going to be our last tour. We never think about it. We take each tour as it comes," said Jagger, 61. (Newsday, ITV.com)

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Extending his 15 minutes yet again: Looks like we haven't heard the last of Corey Clark, the former "American Idol" contestant who has accused Paula Abdul of having a sexual relationship with him during the contest and of offering him inside advice. Clark now says he has "explicit" and "incriminating" evidence that proves his allegations. But his lawyer says he's not yet ready to go public with it. His client, he says, does not have "any plans to voluntarily reveal additional incriminating evidence, which he possesses, to the general public that undoubtedly proves the extent of their involvement because of its explicit nature." Meanwhile, Abdul's cantankerous colleague Simon Cowell has continued to defend her honor, saying the whole controversy is "actually just a huge plug for [Clark's] appalling new album." (E! Online)

Jackson trial update: Macaulay Culkin to the rescue? After weeks -- nay, months -- of will-he-won't-he speculation, Culkin is expected to take the stand today to testify that his old friend Michael Jackson never laid a sparkly glove on him, despite what one former Neverland employee recently contended in court. Culkin will follow Neverland property manager Joe Marcus to the stand. Testifying on Tuesday, Marcus was asked by the prosecution if Jackson had close relationships with girls and women as well as boys. "Besides his wives?" asked Marcus. "He has friends. Elizabeth Taylor ... I'm drawing a blank on a few of the names ... There were -- other women." Pressed to come up with a list, Marcus said, "Liza Minnelli has been there -- they seem to be good friends." Prosecutor Gordon Auchincloss then gloatingly observed, "OK, so we're up to two." (Fox News)

Gutfeld a-go-go: British lad mag editor Greg Gutfeld has earned himself a whole new passel of fans with his irreverent postings on Arianna Huffington's otherwise somewhat solemn-faced new celeb-blog, the Huffington Post. Witness this item, posted by Gutfeld on Tuesday afternoon: "A quick question: im trying to purchase a pair of new (or used) dungarees. Ideally, the leather (what else!) garment would have a very flattering neck and chest opening to allow for breezy shirtless fun. I might prefer to team it with a latex t-shirt, but that depends on the weather - or whether were entertaining. Anything with adjustable buckle shoulder straps, centered-through zipper with "relaxed" cut legs would be a real plus." Anyone? Anyone? And then there's today's Gutfeld post, reprinted in its entirety below:

"To pass the time on the 4400 Stairclimber at 24 Hour Fitness, I often engage in 'nonsexual heroic celebrity fantasies.' (NHCF) Basically, i fantasize about rescuing celebrities who are in peril.

"These fantasies are highly detailed: I am running along Columbus Avenue, wearing a red hooded sweatshirt and black running shorts. Tight. I hear screams. I race to a rundown apartment and peer into the window, to see veteran actor Paul Sorvino (circa 2001) strapped to a wall, arms and legs akimbo. Surrounding him: three terrorists gesturing lewdly. I stay calm and wait until the terrorists split up. Then, methodically (like a cat!) I sneak into the apartment, disable the first terrorist quietly from behind (with some kind of choke-hold). Then the second, then the third.

"Paul Sorvino is very grateful, and asks me to dinner. I decline. I want to get on with my life! The press hounds me. I'm interviewed by Elizabeth Vargas, who flirts with me. I am embarrassed; she leaves in tears. Media appearances comprise most of this fantasy, which last roughly 45 minutes.

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" I have these fantasies daily! :)
"Is there something wrong with me? : o

"These are my top targets of nonsexual heroic celebrity fantasies:

"Alan Rickman
Bud Abbott
Chris O'Donnell
David McCallum
Mike Farrell (or his lookalike Franka Potente)
Frank Gorshin
Hideki Matsui
Dame Judi Dench
Kevin Sorbo

"Do you fantasize, in a nonsexual way, about saving celebrities? Or, are you a celebrity who fantasizes about saving a non-celebrity? Do you often think about cradling a fragile Walter Cronkite in your big strong arms?

"That last comment is for Danielle Crittenden.

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"Please send me your suggestions for nonsexual heroic celebrity fantasies (NHCF) to me as soon as possible.

"And special thanks to David Corn for picking up Byron York's gym bag."

(The Huffington Post)

Speaking of the Huff Post: It -- not to mention the media response to it -- is the gift that keeps on giving. Just check out this heated exchange between L.A. Weekly columnist Nikki Finke, who ripped Huffington a new one on the day of the celeb-blog's launch, and L.A. Weekly news features editor Marc Cooper, who apparently didn't much care for Finke's rippage. It's really quite something. Really. (L.A. Observed)

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Also: Researchers have found that King Tut died of gangrene following a leg break -- and also that he showed a striking resemblance to Boy George. (Agence France-Presse, N.Y Times) ... OutKast's Andre 3000 has signed a deal with Nickelodeon and MTV to star in and produce movies and TV shows. (Hollywood Reporter/Reuters) ... Reports that Nicole Richie is out and Kimberly Stewart is in alongside Paris Hilton in the next installment of "The Simple Life" appear to be somewhat premature. Fox says no decision has yet been made about whether Richie will return for a fourth season, despite Hilton's insistence to the press that she will not. (N.Y. Post) ... Lingering allegations of sexual misconduct on his part are not stopping Bill Cosby from trumpeting his current favorite cause -- encouraging parents to take responsibility for their children's education. "There's a revolution that needs to start," Cosby told a crowd of 1,200 in Dallas. "It's not pointed yet in the direction ... where City Hall is, not yet. It's pointed in the neighborhood .... Ladies and gentlemen, for goodness' sake, join together. There's nothing at risk about your child, except you." (Associated Press) ... Eminem has settled his copyright-infringement lawsuit against Apple, which he said used his song "Lose Yourself" in iPod ads without his permission. (BBC News) ... In order to protect their neutral stance, CNN's Aaron Brown and New York Times reporters John Schwartz and James Estrin are all opting to turn down honors from the right-to-die advocacy group Compassion & Choices for their coverage of the Terry Schiavo ordeal. (Lloyd Grove's Lowdown) ... According to the newly reborn Radar magazine, days before Donald Trump and Melania Knauss wed, several of their friends received envelopes containing nude photos of Knauss "both solo and in Sapphic embrace." (Radar via Rush and Molloy) ... Dougray Scott, Omar Sharif and Naveen Andrews have been cast in ABC's upcoming miniseries about Moses, "The Ten Commandments." (Reuters/Hollywood Reporter) ... Morgan Freeman has wrested the rights to the domain name www.morganfreeman.com from a company that was using it to divert traffic to a commercial search engine unrelated to the actor. (BBC News) ... Steve Martin will receive this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, bestowed by the Kennedy Center. "I think Mark Twain is a great guy and I can't wait to meet him," commented Martin. (The Washington Post) ... Rumor has it that when longtime New York magazine theater critic John Simon, notorious for his harsh criticism of actors' physiques, was fired by the magazine's editor in chief Adam Moss, who is replacing the 79-year-old critic with Jeremy McCarter, on Monday, he thought he was being called into Moss' office for a surprise birthday party: His 80th is on May 12. (Page Six, Fishbowl NY)

Money Quotes:
Kim Cattrall's hopes for mom-to-be Britney Spears: "I hope that she'll take the time to be a good mother. The one thing you can't have more of is time, and time well-spent, especially in the first seven years of your child's life. I can't imagine having a baby and missing its first steps or its first words, and I would hate for her to miss that." (Lloyd Grove's Lowdown)

Rosie O'Donnell on Star Jones and stomach stapling at the Stand Up for Madeline [Kahn] benefit for the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund: "Star Jones lost 180 pounds doing Pilates. I don't understand people who get their stomach stapled -- if you like sex, you don't cut your [bleep] off!" (Rush and Molloy)

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-- Amy Reiter

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