King Kaufman's Sports Daily

The greatest movie-inspired quotes in sports history.


Salon Staff
June 23, 2005 11:00PM (UTC)

The American Film institute this week celebrated what it called the 100 greatest movie quotes of all time.

What's amazing is how many great movie quotes were actually spoken in real life by figures from the sports world. A sampling:

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." -- Barry Bonds

Advertisement:

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse." -- NHL commissioner Gary Bettmann

"You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am." -- BALCO founder Victor Conte, to FBI agents

"I like to watch." -- Darko Milicic

Advertisement:

"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore." -- Drew Gooden

"Here's looking at you, kid." -- Kobe Bryant

"Go ahead, make my day." -- Ben Wallace, to anyone who drives the lane

"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night." -- Tie Domi, before every Toronto Maple Leafs game

Advertisement:

"You talking to me?" -- Milton Bradley

"What we've got here is failure to communicate." -- Dennis Miller, leaving upon being fired from "Monday Night Football"

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?" -- David Robinson

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." -- Pete Rose

Advertisement:

"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" -- Mike Tyson

"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" -- Rasheed Wallace

"I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." -- Greg Anderson, Barry Bonds' personal trainer

"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." -- Mike Tyson

Advertisement:

"There's no place like home." -- Todd Helton

"I am big! It's the pictures that got small." -- Brady Anderson

"Show me the money!" -- Bud Selig, to baseball fans

"Why don't you come up sometime and see me?" -- Kobe Bryant

"I'm walking here! I'm walking here!" -- Michael Jordan

Advertisement:

"You can't handle the truth!" -- Bud Selig

"After all, tomorrow is another day!" -- Tim Duncan, shrugging his shoulders after disappearing down the stretch in another playoff loss by the San Antonio Spurs

"Round up the usual suspects." -- Any NBA referee

"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow. See, what you do is you put your lips together like this. You don't want to have them apart, but kind of pursed up. That's the way to whistle. Otherwise you'll just get the sound of air blowing. If you want to whistle, you put your lips together, and then you blow. You see that?" -- Tim McCarver

Advertisement:

"Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!" -- Any NBA referee

"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up." -- Dennis Rodman

"I'll be back." -- Mike Tyson

"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." -- Robert Horry

Advertisement:

"The stuff that dreams are made of." -- NBC schlockmeister Jimmy Roberts

"We'll always have Paris." -- The Los Angeles Lakers

"I see dead people." -- Lou Piniella, on the first day of spring training

"Well, nobody's perfect." -- Mike Tyson

"Houston, we have a problem." -- Roger Clemens

Advertisement:

"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"-- Rasheed Wallace, to Robert Horry

"You had me at hello." -- Alex Rodriguez, to George Steinbrenner

"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good." -- Bud Selig

"As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again." -- Alex Rodriguez

"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!" -- Donovan McNabb, to Terrel Owens

"What a dump." -- All team owners, in every sport, when they walk into their home arena or stadium and a local politician is nearby

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine." -- Kobe Bryant

"Is it safe?" -- Don Denkinger

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers." -- Mike Krzyzewski, on referees

"Hasta la vista, baby." -- Larry Brown

"Hello, gorgeous." -- David Beckham

"You're going out a youngster, but you've got to come back a star!" -- Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan, to that week's halfback

"Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!" -- Miami Dolphins coach Nick Sabin, to Ricky Williams

"Who's on first?" -- Joe Torre

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!" -- Charles Barkley

"I feel the need -- the need for speed!" -- Many, many major-league baseball players

"I'm king of the world!" -- Every NFL defensive player, after making a routine tackle

"Never give a sucker an even break." -- Al Davis

"I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them long winter evenings." -- Barry Bonds

"What is your major malfunction?" -- Lou Piniella

"Better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime." -- Buster Douglas

Previous column: NBA Game 6

- - - - - - - - - - - -

  • Bookmark http://www.salon.com/sports to get the new Kaufman column every day.
  • Discuss this column and the sports news of the day in Table Talk.
  • Send an e-mail to King Kaufman.
  • To receive the Sports Daily Newsletter, send an e-mail to kingnewsletter@salon.com.


  • Salon Staff

    MORE FROM Salon Staff



    Fearless journalism
    in your inbox every day

    Sign up for our free newsletter

    • • •