The Fix

Demi and Ashton "marry." It's Streisand vs. Drudge. Plus: Renee bouncing back?

Published September 26, 2005 1:08PM (EDT)

Morning Briefing:
Demi Kutcher-Moore? With People and Us Weekly blaring that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have finally tied the knot, the bigger news organizations will only go so far as to call the wedding "reported." So we'll only say that the "alleged" ceremony took place on Saturday, with about 100 people, including Moore's ex, Bruce Willis, in attendance. Some of the confusion may stem from the fact that a Kabbalah ceremony isn't necessarily a legal marriage. If a Kabbalah teacher led the ceremony but wasn't also an ordained rabbi, the vows would have no legal meaning in California. More news as this pressing story develops. (AP, People, Perez Hilton)

Sharon battling bulimia: The Osbournes' very public struggle with their demons continues. Sharon, whose autobiography comes out next week in the U.K., is now talking about her ongoing 35-year struggle with bulimia. "Some people do drink and drugs but for me it's food, food, food," she says. "It's about having low self-esteem. It's not socially acceptable to be fat -- people take the piss out of you." And despite her fame and current svelte figure, she admits it's still a huge struggle. "It's bad. Ozzy and the children know and they get so upset with me. They are terrified for me." (The Sun, Drudge)

Streisand attacks global warming, Drudge attacks Streisand: Barbra Streisand, currently out promoting her new album "Guilty Pleasures," a reunion with Barry Gibb, is also, according to Matt Drudge, out "singing liberalism's golden oldies." During an interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC, Streisand said, "We are in a global warming emergency state, and these storms are going to become more frequent, more intense." Drudge hastens to point out, "Sawyer did not remind Streisand that a Category 5 hurricane struck the Bahamas with 160 mph winds -- when the singer was five years old, in 1947! And when Streisand was 8 years old, a Cat 5 hurricane -- named 'Dog' -- packing 185 mph churned-away in the Atlantic. When she was 9, a Cat 5 storm named 'Easy' ripped the seas with 160 mph sustained winds." He continues his research right through 1969, the year that Streisand won the best actress Oscar for "Funny Girl" and Hurricane Camille, one of the worst storms to ever hit the mainland U.S., destroyed the Gulf Coast. (Drudge)

Faster than lightning, more deadly than Charles Bronson: Is it common knowledge that the U.S. military has long been arming and training the second-smartest species on the planet to hunt and kill? Dolphins have apparently been a part of U.S. Navy missions since World War II, and now there may be a rogue pod loose in the Gulf, armed and dangerous after being freed by Hurricane Katrina. The Guardian reports, "Experts who have studied the US navy's cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying 'toxic dart' guns." A source with ties to the government's marine fisheries service says the dolphins, which were being held in a sound close to Lake Pontchartrain, have been unaccounted for since the hurricane struck. "My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises," he tells the Guardian. "If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire." (Guardian)

No sooner did Renée Zellweger announce she was splitting up with her husband Kenny Chesney than rumors began flying about her having a new man in the works. A mole tells the British Mirror tabloid that she has been crying on the shoulder of Damien Rice, the Irish singer she was rumored to be dating before she met Chesney. "The couple have spent hours on the phone to each other since the split and she has told friends that Damien is helping her get over Kenny. Damien seems to be a very important part of her life right now and is helping her to stay strong"  Oprah is coming to Broadway. No, not as the subject of a musical, but as the producer of one. She's putting $1 million into a revised stage version of the same story that garnered her an Oscar nomination in 1986, "The Color Purple" (though, because she's now involved, it will officially be titled "Oprah Winfrey Presents: The Color Purple" when it opens in December)  Rap music honcho Suge Knight might be considering a change of career after getting shot last month before the MTV video awards. And he wants to give back to the kids: "I'm at a point where probably in the next couple of years I'm gonna go coach football. It's something I enjoy  I like the idea of coaching at a junior college because the majority of athletes there would normally go to a four-year school but don't have the SATs. I wanna be involved with the guys who got some talent but maybe haven't been taught a lot lifewise"  Movie director/famous for being Madonna's husband Guy Ritchie needs to bone up on the facts about his wife: He appeared as a contestant of a Madonna quiz on a popular French TV show over the weekend, but bungled even the most basic questions. Asked for Madonna's real name, he stammered "Er, er" until another guest finally prompted him with the right answer and Ritchie blurted out, "Yes. Louise Ciccone"  Reuters is reporting a dubious new trend, the "CSI" effect, which is apparently having an impact on the ability of the government to prove its case in court, even in white-collar cases. During a recent white-collar-crime conference in Washington, several prosecutors made passing reference to the fact that jurors expect forensic evidence even in boring fraud trials. One U.S. attorney blamed a recent fraud acquittal on the jurors' need for fingerprints. "They said, 'They always do fingerprints on TV'"  Actor Thomas Bond, who played Alfalfa's nemesis Butch on "The Little Rascals," died at age 79 in Los Angeles on Saturday.

Money Quote:
Geena Davis, actress and overachiever, on becoming a nationally ranked archer: "I was thirteenth in America ... I can't just do something; that's why I don't cook." (Contactmusic)

Turn On:
The first part of Martin Scorsese's American Masters series "No Direction Home: Bob Dylan" (PBS, 9 p.m. EDT, check local listings) follows the young Dylan from his folk beginnings in the Village through his motorcycle accident in 1966. And actress Charlize Theron temporarily joins the cast of "Arrested Development" (Fox, 8 p.m. EDT).

-- Scott Lamb

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