Bad holiday, good holiday

The pitfalls and pleasures of the season, this week in Table Talk.

Published November 23, 2005 11:51AM (EST)

Private Life

What Not to Wear

Simone - 10:05 am Pacific Time - Nov 20, 2005 - #2560 of 2584

A WNTW from yesterday: me. The scene: a J. Crew store. The situation: I was looking for a new holiday-ish outfit for various festive occasions. What I found: a nice plaid wool skirt, knee-length, and a cream cashmere v-neck sweater to go with. I was pleased. Demure, yet festive, without being dowdy. The problem: the sales chicky who mentioned that they also had a matching plaid vest/tank top like thing that matched the skirt, which could make it more of a going-out type outfit, not quite so demure. Besides, she said, the whole line was brand new and she hadn't seen the top on anyone yet, and she was curious. I agreed to try it on, in the interests of science, and she went off to get it. Well. The other women in the dressing room area also wanted to see it, so they asked if they could stick around while I tried in on. Sure. My friend/consultant was also there. The sales chicky came back, with shirt, and pretty much the entire rest of the sales staff, who also wanted to see it on someone. Great. I retreat to my room to try it on. Ho.Ly.Crap. The "shirt," worn alone as intended, is certainly far from demure. The v-neck in front ends about where my sternum does. And the designers of said shirt clearly never considered the possibility that someone trying on the size 6 top might also be a C-cup. I looked like the Ghost of Christmas Porn. I was at least a good 2/3 exposed. At least the nipples were hidden. As long as I didn't move. Or breathe. Or blink. Meanwhile, the entire known universe is waiting impatiently outside for a good look. I try to demur. My pleas are rejected. Taking a (not too deep) breath, I exited my cubicle and said "Merry Christmas. Here are my boobs." The gathered populace erupted -- those that were not stunned into silence. I fled as soon as feasible. With my nice, genteel cashmere sweater. And the skirt.

Private Life

Make a list

StephanieL - 12:23 pm Pacific Time - Nov 20, 2005 - #4277 of 4284

Things I Will Love About This Week

1. Taking off in my car and feeling the road unfurl before me, like its only reason to exist is so I can get where I'm going.

2. The way my dog will have me hold his head while he sleeps beside me in the car.

3. Sleeping in my grandma's bed where I can touch the wall where we used to play with shadow puppets.

4. The sound of my grandpa snoring and the attempt to grab the tv remote from him without giggling so that I can watch something other than "I Love Lucy" reruns.

5. Listening to my aunt and mother tease each other.

6. Playing some odd board game with my aunt and uncle and cousins and knowing that we all have the same sense of humor and that I will be laughed at and it will feel good.

7. Going into my bedroom and closing the door and feeling the silence well up around my ears from under the hum of the radiator.

8. Food that my family understands is essential to a holiday meal even if no one else does. Yes, noodles are essential with turkey. Why do you ask?

9. The three seconds when my sister walks through the door when we are genuinely happy to see one another. Ten minutes later I'll want to chuck her out the window, but once a year we get those three seconds.

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By Salon Staff

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