Have an Angry Black Bitch Christmas

This ain't your Ladies' Home Journal shopping list.

By Page Rockwell

Published December 23, 2005 9:01PM (EST)

With the one-two punch of Chanukah and Christmas coming in over the weekend, so too come the inevitable news stories about cranberry sauce and airport wait times. But we'd rather bring you holiday cheer with some sass in it. So, here's a quick primer on how to have an Angry Black Bitch Christmas (or alternatively, an Angry Black Bitch holiday of your choosing):

"The Eats...

Butter incorporated cake for my brother Bill
Corn Casserole (oh yeah, baby)
Vegetable based something (Greens? Cabbage? Salad? Mayhap collard greens in honor of my Play Husband who is visiting my family in-law...hmmmm!)
Sweet Potato Pie
Apple Pie (Yum, yum!)
Cookies (because.)
Artificially flavored vanilla ice-cream (fuck it... it's my motherfucking plan-like list)
Fowl or beast? Hmmmm. Shit!

The Beverages...
Grape cran
Vodka to keep cran and grape cran company
Beer (Winter Lager for a bitch's sister)
Wine (Because "we so civilized 'round here"!)
Pepsi/Coke/Dr Pepper (a bitchs brother is brand loyal like a motherfucker)"

Happy holidays, everyone!

Page Rockwell

Page Rockwell is Salon's editorial project manager.

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