Please run, don't walk, to this hilarious review of Jamie Foxx's newish album by Slate contributor Jody Rosen. Should you require incentive, look no further than the opening paragraph's epic catalog of Foxx's pickup lines: "Ladies, Jamie Foxx is going to make you feel like you never felt before. He is going to work you over. He'll meet you in the bathroom of the club for a freaky episode. He will kiss you right below the navel, then rub you with oil on your ear. There'll be puddles in the bed by the time Foxx gets through with you. Girl, the rain is coming.
"I know all this because Foxx says so -- nearly verbatim -- on his new album, 'Unpredictable,' which descended upon record stores just before Christmas in a vaporous cloud of Spanish fly."
As you might imagine, Rosen goes on to explain why, title aside, the album isn't very unpredictable at all. Turns out Foxx is a decent but unexceptional singer; the album's success was predetermined by favorable advance buzz resulting from his Oscar win last year; and though Foxx's comic routines have previously skewered lame romantic lyrics, his own album only offers more of the same tripe.
Rosen's larger point is worth tuning in for, too: Foxx, like many male R&B singers, pretends he's singing for the ladies when he's mostly singing about himself. Ultimately, Rosen says, "you can't help but wonder if Foxx really even wants a partner: Give this guy a ceiling mirror and a vat of baby lotion and he'll be set for the night. The 'ladies' deserve someone better."