What Dick wants, Dick gets

If the vice president is coming to town, here's what he'll be expecting.

Published March 24, 2006 1:58PM (EST)

All rock stars have "tour riders," and it turns out that the vice president of the United States has one, too. The good folks at the Smoking Gun have unearthed a document from the Office of the Vice President setting forth the items that are required -- and the word "required" is underlined -- in the "Downtime Suite" for one of the two most powerful men in the world.

Most of Cheney's requirements aren't all that surprising: a queen or king bed in a room adjoining the parlor; a desk with a chair; a private bathroom; a microwave oven; decaffeinated coffee in a carafe; bottled water; ice; diet caffeine-free Sprite. And then there are those that really aren't surprising: "All Televisions Tuned to Fox News."

If the second lady is traveling with him, Cheney also requires a couple of bottles of sparkling water --- either Perrier, which comes from France, or Calistoga, which comes from California, which is pretty much the same thing.

And whether Lynne Cheney is there or not, the vice president has a need to know. Cheney's advance team is to be told whether the TV signal comes from cable or a satellite. "And if the hotel would like to put a gift in the suite, please let the Advance Office know ASAP."

The New York Times confirms that the list is legit, and a spokeswoman for Cheney's office says it's all entirely appropriate. "Our advance office provides guidelines for our volunteers in the field," Cheney spokeswoman Jenny Mayfield tells the Times. "This is just a routine little check list."

Freudian Slip Watch: In an earlier version of this post, we said that Cheney wanted his suite stocked with "bottled war." We meant "water." It was a typographical error. Honest.

By Tim Grieve

Tim Grieve is a senior writer and the author of Salon's War Room blog.

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