Nightmare friends, dream friends

How did you know it was the end of the friendship? And is someone sending you a message in your sleep? Table Talkers tell all.


Salon Staff
March 24, 2006 4:00PM (UTC)

Private Life

With Friends Like This, Who Needs Enemies?

Simone - 09:47 am Pacific Time - Mar 19, 2006 - #32 of 94

I definitely had a friend dump me. "Sandy" and I worked together, and both started dating new boyfriends around the same time. Sandy and I were very friendly, and often had lunch together and talked frequently. That all changed when, a year after we started dating, my boyfriend proposed, and we started planning our wedding. Sandy, whose boyfriend hadn't proposed, and whose cubicle was decorated almost exclusively in "Cathy" cartoons about how hard it is to be a single woman whose boyfriend won't propose, became very jealous. She started by taking an intense interest in my wedding plans. Nearly every day, she would stop by my desk and ask how things were going. I would oblige by telling her briefly, since I was not one of those people who assume their wedding is as interesting to everyone else as it is to the people getting married.

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Still, she pressed me constantly for details, and seemed to pounce gleefully on any slight hitch in the plans as a sign of impending disaster. In truth, nothing really went wrong in the planning process ... she would hear that I was waiting for, say, the florist to call me back, and go off cackling that I was being ignored and probably the florist wouldn't even show up the day of the wedding and would just run off with my check. When in fact, I had just left a message fifteen minutes before, and wasn't expecting to hear back before the end of the day.

When our wedding day came, Sandy and her boyfriend (still not engaged) attended the wedding and reception. It was a lovely day. The church was magnificent, the flowers (which showed up, of course) were beautiful, and we had a 5 course gourmet dinner for everyone at the reception, followed by dancing to a great band (bear with me, this becomes relevant later). I spoke to Sandy briefly in the receiving line, but didn't see her again after dinner. This, I was informed by the other people seated at her table, was because she chose my wedding reception as the appropriate venue to pick a huge fight with her boyfriend over the fact that I was now married, and she wasn't even engaged yet, even though we had started dating at the same time! Apparently there were tears and harsh words and it was very uncomfortable for the other guests at the table until the two of them stormed off and left.

Flash forward a few more months. Sandy comes to my desk to tell me she is engaged. I express great joy for her, and admire the ring she shows me. Sandy then looks at my engagement ring and says "Of course, my [Sandy's] ring isn't as big as yours." I hadn't even noticed. It wasn't a huge difference, and anyway, I was just happy for her, not comparing rings. Sandy wouldn't let it go, though. She started saying that she had told her fiancé that she didn't want a big ring, because her hands were so small and delicate (and mine were huge and ungainly?). I agreed that the ring looked perfect on her. She still wouldn't let it go. In five minutes of talking, she worked her way from the position of "Your ring is bigger and that's OK" to "Actually, smaller rings look better on me anyway" to "Any ring bigger than mine is just tacky and showing off and probably means the couple is too materialistic and not really in love anyway." All with no comment from me, as I was too stunned by the way the conversation was turning to say anything. I again just said something nice about how lovely her ring was, and left it at that.

I was not to be left in peace, however. Every time Sandy saw me, she would corner me to tell me all about her wedding plans. Or, more specifically, how everything at her wedding was going to be vastly superior to everything at my wedding. SHE was going to buy little Chinese lanterns and decorate them with ribbons and use them as her centerpieces! Not like those horrible FLOWERS I had at my wedding! They would be cheaper, and she was SURE they would look MUCH BETTER, too! Everyone would like her food better, too! And her band was going to be much better! You would think that my wedding had been nothing but a disaster and an ordeal for everyone attending. I would always respond politely that her plans sounded wonderful, but she just kept on getting more and more hostile towards me. In the end, I had no opportunity to experience her wedding and judge its superiority for myself, because my husband and I weren't invited (although several other co-workers who had also been to my wedding were). I switched jobs shortly thereafter, and haven't seen Sandy since.

Mind and Spirit

Have you ever had a psychic experience?

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Jenni P - 09:30 am Pacific Time - Mar 22, 2006 - #133 of 136

Here was last night's dream: I was at some type of large gathering, like a festival, with all my family and friends, but it had a very multicultural feel to it . Anyway, I was being introduced to all kinds of people I'd never met. Lots of them were the elderly members of people's families. Anyway, this man who was probably in his late 50s or 60s and looked like he was a Native American took my hand. He was wearing a leather jacket and jeans and boots ... very rugged looking. He was speaking his native tongue and he was sort of dancing around like he was in a trance; all the while he was holding my hand and sort of twirling me around with him. Then he stopped, he held both of my hands, staring right at me, and he suddenly looked deep into my eyes -- his eyes got all wet and he kind of inhaled sharply (like when you're surprised) and he said, "You're going to have a baby." I felt like I had been hit with a full body blow, but not in a painful way -- I was totally blown away. I started to cry and I hugged him tight. He smelled like leather (in a good way) and he was hugging me so hard back. I felt a tremendous amount of love for this man and a huge connection -- like we shared something intimate.

Then I woke up.

I have not watched anything on TV or read anything that even remotely resembles any of this. I've had anxiety about not having another baby on my mind heavily these past few months (we had our only son with IVF almost two years ago). This morning I awoke with no anxiety about it though -- I don't know whether I will have a baby or not, but I don't feel any sadness at all anymore, and it's something I've been praying about every night (for God to take this feeling away somehow so I can be at peace to enjoy my beautiful son).

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I don't know if this dream will turn out to be a psychic experience exactly, but I can tell you that it has healed me.


Salon Staff

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