Oh, you are kidding me. Thanks to the Miami Herald for alerting us to the alleged shenanigans of Philip Winikoff, who was arrested Thursday and charged with the sexual battery and assault of two Miami women. Apparently the not-exactly-reassuring-looking Winikoff -- who is a shuttle driver for a local car dealership, not a doctor -- went door to door offering free breast exams to area women, at least two of whom fell for the scam and invited him into their apartments.
This scenario sounds so much like an episode from Beavis and Butt-Head ("I'm like, a doctor. Uhhh ... an orthodontist. I'm gonna have to ask you to, ya know, take off your clothes") that it's very nearly funny. It's the kind of stunt that some 12-year-old, upon discovering that breast exams exist, would consider truly cunning. Except that this yutz is 76.
Winikoff got caught after one of his alleged victims -- who just moved to the U.S. from Haiti about seven months ago and who speaks little English -- was weirded out by his offer to perform a "genital exam" without donning gloves and called the cops. He was discovered shortly thereafter, attempting the same routine on another woman down the block.
Investigators believe there may be more victims in the case and are asking area residents with information on the matter to call the local sex-crimes unit (for more information, visit the Miami Herald link, above).
The extra-yuck part of this case is that women should be eager to monitor their breasts for lumps, and I'm sorry that a healthy and responsible impulse resulted in such a nasty situation for these women. For information on how to perform a breast self-exam, go here.