I wanna ride your caboost

Push-up panties. Need we say more?

Published July 5, 2006 6:16PM (EDT)

And now, the perfect antidote to the "Sausage Casing Girls." Finally someone has come up with a way to give you a perkier, more bodacious butt with "no pads, and no squeezing!" What is this miracle product you ask? It's called the Caboost. These "push-up panties" -- once more, push-up panties -- are designed to "maximize your potential by simply lifting and rounding your derriere. It defines what you already have and is a comfortable, easy-to-wear, everyday alternative." While the physics of the Caboost may be unclear, one thing's for sure: No other body part has inspired quite the lyrical frenzy as the backside -- many thanks to Juvenile, L.L. Cool J and, most brilliantly, Sir-Mix-A-Lot.

Some words on what the Caboost implies about conspicuous consumption and female standards of beauty might be in order, but we'll just leave you with this: "I ain't talkin' bout Playboy/ 'Cause silicone parts are made for toys/ I want 'em real thick and juicy  You can do side bends or sit-ups/ But please don't lose that butt."

By Sarah Goldstein

Sarah Goldstein is an editorial fellow at Salon.

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