The Fix

Lohan undone by BlackBerry, laughed at by Ferrell and Gore? "Apocalypto" a disgusting "torture-fest"? Plus: Richards' religious confusion.

Published December 1, 2006 3:00PM (EST)

Morning Briefing:
Lohan blames the BlackBerry: Lindsay Lohan's publicist stepped to her client's defense on Thursday, claiming that the hilariously incoherent statement Lohan released following Robert Altman's death (which, by the way, you really owe it to yourself to read in its entirety) was composed by the actress in a fit of grief ... oh, and on her BlackBerry. "When I got the reports that he had died, I reached Lindsay on her cell phone, and she had no idea. She was devastated. She started crying," Leslie Sloane told Reuters. "She quickly put something together on her Blackberry." And all the talk about Lohan's horrible spelling, random grammar, overall inappropriateness and alarming disjointedness -- not to mention her instant-classic signoff "BE ADEQUITE"? "It's enough already," said Sloane. "Everybody has got to get a life. People need to get off her back." Lohan herself has apparently moved on with her life, such as it is. Page Six reports that she got sloshed and made a scene at this week's GQ Men of the Year dinner, prompting Will Ferrell to quip to fellow dinner guests Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Gore and Ben Affleck, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" (Reuters, USA Today, Page Six)

Advance word on "Apacalypto": Mel Gibson's film about the Maya civilization, "Apocalypto," doesn't open until next Friday, Dec. 8, but Fox News columnist Roger Friedman is already sharing his thoughts on it. Dubbing the film a "torture-fest," he writes, "'Apocalypto' is the most violent movie Disney has ever released, with so much blood spurting out of orifices that even Martin Scorsese would blush. If you've ever wondered what it would be like to see heads and hearts removed without anesthesia, then this is the movie for you." Friedman adds that the movie's "grotesqueries are almost numbing, and at some point they become laughable." (Fox 411)

The implosion continues: Michael Richards' publicist, Howard Rubenstein, recently fought accusations that the comic is anti-Semitic as well as racist by telling the press that Richards himself is Jewish. But now Rubenstein is taking it back, explaining, "He told me he was Jewish ... Later ... he said he isn't Jewish by blood or by birth and never converted ... But he said two of the more important people in his life were Jewish." On the bright side, Rubenstein says the former "Seinfeld" star is "spending a lot of time with his psychiatrist." Who may or may not be Jewish. (Rush and Molloy, Page Six)

Whatever anyone else thinks about Danny DeVito's instantly infamous drunken appearance on "The View" on Wednesday, the co-hosts themselves think it was A-OK. "He's just a guy who had too many with his friend," Rosie O'Donnell said Thursday in his defense. Added Elisabeth Hasselbeck, "He was a fun drunk!" (Associated Press) ... Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to a Malawi High Court ruling requiring them to allow a coalition of human rights groups to monitor their adoption of Malawian toddler David Banda. "They have no problem with the ruling and are also willing to sit back and wait," said their lawyer. (AP) ... Sandra Bullock and her husband, Jesse James, are refuting rumors that they're expecting, issuing the following statement: "We are not with child, but we are pregnant with ideas." (People) ... "Desperate Housewives" star Eva Longoria and San Antonio Spurs star Tony Parker are engaged. Parker proposed in the wee hours of Thursday morning, according to E Online, "surrounded by candles and rose petals." (E Online) ... Seven Hollywood photo agencies are threatening to sue online gossip Perez Hilton (aka Mario Lavandeira) for exploiting their images. "He blatantly violates copyright and makes advertising revenues off other people's works," said a spokesman for the group. (N.Y. Daily News) ... And if you missed it, check out this video of Richard Simmons showing David Letterman his "steamer with a brain." (YouTube)

Money Quote:
Kevin Smith on his plans and his past: "I want to make a horror movie. I'm still figuring it out, but after about 12 years of doing comedies, I feel like it's time -- although most people would say that 'Jersey Girl' was my horror movie." (GiantMag via the Scoop)

Turn On:
On Friday night, Kevin Federline appears on "1 vs. 100" (NBC, 8 p.m. EST) to showcase his mad trivia game, and "Las Vegas" (NBC, 9 p.m. EST) has two back-to-back episodes. On Saturday and Sunday, Discovery presents the "AKC/Eukanuba National Dog Show" (8 p.m. EST), and on Sunday, it's the second-to-last episode of "The Wire" (HBO, 10 p.m. EST) and Noah Wyle reprises his bumbling adventurer role in "The Librarian: Return to King Solomon's Mines" (TNT, 8 p.m. EST).

On the Talk Shows:
Charlie Rose (PBS, check local listings): Josef Joffe, David Hare
David Letterman (CBS, 11:30 p.m. EST): Danny DeVito, 16-year-old duct tape expert William Beacom, Silversun Pickups
Jay Leno (NBC, 11:35 p.m. EST): Sen. Barack Obama, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Taylor Hicks
Conan O'Brien (NBC, 12:35 a.m. EST): Sarah McLachlan
Craig Ferguson (CBS, 12:35 a.m. EST): Kevin Smith, Joseph Arthur
Jimmy Kimmel (ABC, 12:05 a.m. EST): Elijah Wood, Tichina Arnold, Mute Math

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By Amy Reiter

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