Monsanto vs. the aliens

Why are there no crop circles in fields of genetically modified corn and cotton?

Published March 5, 2007 10:12PM (EST)

The Weekly World Inquisitor is reporting the disturbing news that crop-circle-creating aliens are boycotting certain fields because of fears of GM contamination. According to the Inquisitor, a scientist with the unlikely name of Buck Uranus has compiled "a major survey of crop circles created over the past five years and says he has not found a single example left in fields containing GM crops." (Thanks, we think, to GMO Pundit's David Tribe for the link.)

The credo of the Weekly World Inquisitor is "If it's out there, we believe it!" and while I must acknowledge that my own exhaustive two minutes of research was unable to verify that there is indeed a "Buck Uranus" or turn up a copy of his report, there are some stories that ring with such implicit truth that there is simply no doubting their veracity. Dana Scully might disagree, but I know that Fox Mulder has got my back.

Come on -- how can you not trust Uranus, who regularly channels messages from alien beings, when he says that one shape-shifting lizard told him: "Just imagine -- we accidentally pick up a few seeds on our undercarriage and take them home without knowing. They could spread like wildfire then and we'd end up paying Monsanto an annual fee just to grow flooble beans on our own planet. Madness."


By Andrew Leonard

Andrew Leonard is a staff writer at Salon. On Twitter, @koxinga21.

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Biotechnology Globalization How The World Works Monsanto