How do I get rid of mice? Plus: Testimonials needed!

In which the author finally comes out and says what he wants, and a reader asks the shortest question ever.


Cary Tennis
June 18, 2007 2:01PM (UTC)

Dear Reader,

OK, I have to ask for something that is hard to ask for. I'm embarrassed to ask for it. This is a request for testimonials. They are for the cover of the book, or on the inside of the book. And possibly for the press releases that will go out prior to the book's publication date.

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Work on the book, which my wife and a dear friend of ours are self-publishing, is going well. But there is a lot to do, needless to say.

So I have been putting this off. So this is my request.

Books need blurbs on the cover. And the typical method, apparently, is to seek out famous people and ask them to put their imprimatur on the book. But as I am deeply democratic and egalitarian in spirit, I want testimonials from all kinds of people (Caution: "mailto" links ahead!) -- famous people, sure, and people with expertise in the helping arts and professions, of course, and also people who just enjoy the writing, and people who hate the column but read it anyway, all kinds of people, people who have written famous novels, people who are on television, people I owe money to, all kinds of people, even just regular people more or less just like you or me.

The idea is that the testimonials section of the book should look like the stage at the end of an Iggy Pop show, a riotous exhibition of the high and the despised, the sober and the wasted, a glorious display of motley and exalted humanity.

Also, it should not be boring and self-serving.

Also, it should reflect the spirit of the work itself, and the author, and the audience.

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OK.

Finally, I've said it. That's what I want.

It took a while to get to this. I was kinda conflicted. So I was putting it off. That's the gol-darned truth of it right there.

Eventually there will be a Web site where this will all be explained, about why we are doing it ourselves, and so forth. And in a few months there will be a book. But first we have to form an LLC and get some bubble wrap and a stapler.

This is going to be fun, though. You just wait.

And I can say this:

It won't be pink.

It might be red, though. It might be red.

I'm a marketing genius!

Sheesh. (Was that so hard?)

And now, the best question to arrive in a long time:

Dear Cary,

How do I get rid of mice??

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Feeling Kind of Mousy

Dear Mousy,

Thank you for this succinct question.

I hope you will forgive me if I send you directly to people far more knowledgeable than I about this question. I learned a great deal in looking at these sites, but to digest it and paraphrase it and deliver it to you in my own words does not seem to offer any tangible benefits.

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In researching your question I did go quite off the track, spending much time contemplating the noble yet despised history of the rat-baiting pit. I deeply admire the champion rat dogs of old, and I think you will be as amazed as I am at their virtuosity!

I also learned that dogs can be every bit as good as cats at catching mice, and unlike cats, they do not play with the mice or carry them around or bring them to you as a gift. But you may need a more quick and direct method of getting rid of your mice.

Since there is such a wealth of information on the Web about how to get rid of mice, and since there are ample services to call upon who employ efficient and practical technicians, I sense you may be asking for something other than sheer technical guidance. You may need some motivation, too, some encouragement, specific instructions, a little nudging to take action.

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So in addition to recommending that you educate yourself by looking at various sites on the Net, I suggest that you do this now: Get out your phone book and contact at least two businesses right away. Talk to them and find out what their fees are, how they operate. Describe your problem to them and ask if they think you can take care of it yourself or if you will need expert help. If their fees are not excessive, think about having them come out and just take care of the problem. That way it will be done and you can move on. You might miss the opportunity to learn a little about the practical aspects of mouse removal, but then, your aversion quite understandably might outweigh your curiosity.

That is, get going on this right away, and you will be happy when it is done.

There may also be other complicating factors not mentioned in your timeless query: If you live in an apartment, for instance, your problem may involve other tenants. It may involve the landlord. It may involve things beyond your control. That is another good reason to contact some professionals right away. Having much local, firsthand knowledge, they may be able to guess quite accurately about the likely source of the mice, and save you some time trying to figure that out. They may also have experience dealing with building-wide problems in which landlords must be involved.

So take action and keep at it! Get those mice!

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This site is quite informative, though it is maintained by a business whose services I can't vouch for, having no firsthand knowledge. Nor do I know whether you have the money to pay their prices.

You may also find the Wikipedia site on the mouse to be quite informative.

So mainly: Take action and don't be afraid. It can be quite satisfying to trap mice, to learn about this remarkably resilient life going on around us, to consider their peculiar genius for survival, and to revel in eventual victory over them!

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