The thrill ride of the summer!

Felt like you've read that movie review before? Members of Salon's reader community, Table Talk, create the ultimate generic critical take, this week.


Salon Staff
August 24, 2007 9:30PM (UTC)

Movies

The Generic Movie Review

damagazelle - 05:52 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007

"Visceral!" "Surreal!" "A study in contrasts!" Please supply all the necessary verbiage to describe any old movie like a professional critic, positive or negative, good or bad, with charity or with a badass malice.

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Transcendent. Powerful. A pulsating thriller.

An unnecessary sequel.

CU Tiger - 06:06 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #3 of 38

Gripping. A real thrill ride. Best movie of the year. A triumph. If you only see one movie this year, it should be this one.

damagazelle - 06:16 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #4 of 38

Movie magic. A roller-coaster ride. A crowd-pleaser. This summer's sleeper hit.

A rollicking good time.

A lavish spectacle.

A sumptuous feast for the eyes.

CU Tiger - 06:28 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #9 of 38

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The feel-good movie of the year!

Laugh out loud funny.

Bibbety - 06:38 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #13 of 38

A quirky little indie feature that wowed them at Telluride.

tamarind - 06:39 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #14 of 38

Two thumbs way, way up!

CU Tiger - 06:46 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #16 of 38

A tour de force.

Aquarius - 07:19 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #17 of 38

The talents of a stellar ensemble cast are wasted in an overwritten attempt to be clever.

A movie with a big heart. Bring the whole family!

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PegS - 07:23 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #19 of 38

It will make you laugh. It will make you cry.

Kady G - 08:43 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #22 of 38

Better than "Cats"!

damagazelle - 09:02 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #23 of 38

A heart warming tale of __________. "Redemption" is a popular choice.

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Alecto The Night Owl - 11:04 pm Pacific Time - Aug 22, 2007 - #24 of 38

Winner of the Palme D'Or for best picture.

LetterMan - 12:17 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #25 of 38

An unforgettable cinematic experience and a sumptuous feast for the eyes.

RSA - 06:43 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #28 of 38

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How about some ambiguous phrasing?

"I cannot recommend this movie more highly."

"It is difficult to imagine the director doing better work than is shown in his latest effort."

"You will be overcome by a sense of relief at the end of this movie."

MQS - 07:43 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #29 of 38

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Also, there's the judicious ad edit

"This film is a masterpiece of (bad) film making."

KaySee - 07:56 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #30 of 38

A drama of Shakespearean proportions! (OMG I got paid to write that once. I was writing "coverage" for a small-time producer and I knew he'd eat that up.)

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damagazelle - 08:32 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #32 of 38

A wild ride!

A compelling tale...

A poignant coming-of-age story...

RSA - 08:47 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #33 of 38

A popcorn spiller!

A nail-biter!

A hold-onto-your-seater!

Anglophile - 09:12 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #35 of 38

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Astonishing!

Grabs you tight and won't let go.

You MUST see this movie!

A bloated, meandering, soulless CGI-fest that only the most die-hard fans will appreciate.

Visually stunning and yet oddly empty of feeling.

Unfunny in a way only a bad Adam Sandler film can be.

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damagazelle - 09:26 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #36 of 38

"Film-makers" are "gifted", but directors never are.

A feast for the senses!

RSA - 11:13 am Pacific Time - Aug 23, 2007 - #38 of 38

Good one! Especially given that (a) none of the senses actually feast, except metaphorically and (b) only the senses of sight and hearing apply in watching movies. (John Waters's Polyester aside.)

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Best of Table Talk is an ongoing feature of Salon's vibrant community forum. Older posts of the week may be found in TT. Want to join the discussion? Sign up here.


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